Chad: a Shrek re-telling with random characters (Part 1: Shrek)
by Commander Coke
Summary: Imagine Shrek, a timeless classic, but this time, every character in it is from another property, follow Chad Kroeger, rather than Shrek, on a quest imposed by King Dedede (Lord Farquaad) to rescue Princess Corrin, not Fiona, alongside his trusty pal Teddie, and the character choices from here on out get even weirder! this is part 1 of a series that'll cover all of Shrek's media


Chad, A Three-Man Shrek Series Crossover Remake

The First (Shrek)

All kudos goes to Dreamworks for making the brilliant Shrek series, Shrek Is Love Shrek Is Life for _very slightly_ inspiring me and 3GI for giving me the idea with their brilliant video Shrek Retold..

Copyright goes to Nintendo, Atlus, SEGA, Capcom, Namco Bandai, Konami, HAL Laboratory, Spike Chunsoft, ZUN, Toby Fox, Yacht Club Games, Saban Entertainment, Microsoft Systems, Kodansha, LUCKY LAND Communications, Intelligent Systems, Telltale, LEGO, Nickelodeon, and every song featured in the epilogue's respective record holders, most important, I'd like to thanks to my friends for putting up with this bullshit and making this fanfic something worth remembering.

Before continuing, soft warning regarding some hard language, and some levels of gross-out humor.

 **PROLOGUE (STORY TIME)**

 _The movie opens up with a storybook opening, revealing a drawing of a princess next to a castle on top of a long field of grass. The voice of a 44-year old man from Alberta, Canada is heard._

Chad: Once upon a time in a land far far away, there was a damn lovely princess…

 _The man flipped the page to a picture of a goblet with blue smoke coming out of it, with another picture of the princess in front of the sun next to it._

Chad: ...but she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss…

 _The man flipped the page to a picture of a big purple dragon wearing what looked like chains wrapped around her, wrapped around the castle._

Chad: ...she was locked away in a castle guarded by a dreaded purple dragon...

 _The man flipped the page to a picture of an army of men throwing spears at the aforementioned dragon._

Chad: ...many brave men had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed…

 _The man flipped the page to a picture of the princess lying on a bed, with a man kneeling down with a rose next to it._

Chad: ...She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss…

 _The man laughed._

Chad: Like _that's_ ever going to happen! What a load of bull -

 _The noise of a toilet was heard inside of Chad's bathroom. Burn It to the Ground by Nickelback plays the second Chad walks out of his bathroom, stretching and yawning before smiling at the place he called home and walking to it. On his way, he slid his foot on the mud, creating the words Chad on the mud as he did so._

 _The camera panned away to Chad throwing off his shirt and clothes before taking a shower, spitting out some water while doing so. He proceeded to brush his teeth via a cutaway, accidentally shattering the mirror due to his ramen hair. He had breakfast and painted a picture for one of his album covers before sticking it on the outside of his house.+_

 _From somewhere else, a hoard gathered up to plan out a vandalism of his house, drawing a picture of his face of the dirt using a twig and pointing to it afterwards. They got paintballs, spraycans, toilet paper, everything considered necessary for vandalizing a house, and went on. Meanwhile, Chad pleasured himself to a bowl of ice cream, watching the hoard of men from the outside. He turned on his fireplace while the other men gathered torches, ready to go to his house. Chad dropped a piece of bacon into his mouth, before sitting down on an armchair, prepared for the hoard of men._

 **NIGHT: NEAR CHAD KROEGER'S HOME**

Man 1 (Ben): Think he's in there?

Man 2 (a Stickman): All right. Let's get him! (he draws his poorly drawn in MS Paint pitchfork)

*Ben pulls back the stickman*

Ben: WHOA! Wait a second! Don't you know what that man can do to you?!

Man 3 (Squidward): _terrified_ He'll damage your ears with his painfully repetitive music!

 _Chad revealed himself to be behind the three men the entire time, laughing._

Chad: Well, _actually_ , that would be Justin Bieber. Now, me and my band Nickelback, on the other hand… we're _much_ worse! We'll make you hate us _for all the right reasons!_

 _All three men gasped in terror._

Chad: We're never gonna quit acting like we're animals! I'LL KEEP YOU UP ALL NIGHT! Actually, both songs are quite good in all honesty…

 _Ben would wave a torch in front of Kroeger rather erratically_

Ben: B-Back! I'm warning you right now!

 _Kroeger sighed, before grabbing the torch and burning it to the ground. A long, repetitive note from If Everyone Cared followed. The chord somehow extinguished all the torches until the men were in the dark._

Chad: This is the part where you run away, clutching your ears in pain.

 _All three men ran away in terror. Chad laughed._

Chad: _And stay out!_

 _Chad looked down and picked up a piece of paper. He read it._

Chad: "Wanted. Non-Nintendo characters."

 _Chad sighed, throwing the paper over his shoulder._

 **THE NEXT DAY**

 _The camera pans to show Buddy the Elf being carted away. It then pans to show a line of different characters. All being roped and carried in cuffs to a board resguarded by Buggzy and Bonkers. The camera then pans to show a whole cast being carted away - the cast to Hoodwinked specifically._

Bonkers: "this one's full! Come on, move it along, next!"

 _We see Buggzy discussing with Reimu Hakurei, of the Touhou Series, and taking away her Gohei._

Buggzy: "Give me that! yer demon-repelling days are over"

 _He snaps the Gohei in half with his knees_

Bonkers: "That'd be 20 Dream Coins for the Armpit Miko...Next?"

 _By Buggzy's side, Bonkers, hammer heaved on his shoulder, many other Dreamland Soldiers were busy pulling in people, a Waddle Dee hurries a line of Froggits and Whimsuns into a cart. The monsters are then carted away afterwards._

 _We focus on a familiar-looking bear as he is dragged by a cranky looking old broad, to the counter, he's looking around and seeing the hell that's ensuing, he looks around and sees Chen, caged away from her mother and her adoptive grandma, in tears, she is trying to reach for them_

Chen: "Dis cage ish too shmall!" (resumes her crying)

 _The bear stares at its captor, in utter fear of what his fate will be, especially coming from a profitable franchise like Persona_

Teddie: Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!

Gothel: Keep your mouth shut! _The old hag pulled on the rope_

 _The duo gets second in line, as we see Bonkers and Buggzy looking at someone, that someone in question being Monosuke, holding Kokichi Ouma from a leash_

Bonkers: NEXT! You, what have you got?

Monosuke: this obnoxious little demon, (he pushes forward Kokichi)

Kokichi: Aww, I'm no demon! I'm just an innocent teenager!

 _as soon as he said that, something slips from his arm, his ID, his wallet, and like 20 illegal passports to go all across the world playing pranks_

Bonkers: that'd be Five Dream Coins for Sans Undertale, take him away

 _Buggzy grabs Kokichi from the back of his coat and pulls him away_

Kokichi: H-HEY! You can't do this to me! Come back, Monosuke!

 _Monosuke takes the five Dream Coins, snickering over having gotten rid of him, now all he had to do is sell Korekiyo and Tsumugi, and he'd be ready to continue, and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table._

Bonkers: NEXT! You, the old, hair-sniffing broad, what have you got?

Gothel: Hello, there. I have for you, a talking stuffed bear mascot, that is also, a human.

Bonkers: a talking stuffed bear mascot...that'd be worth 10 Dream Coins, that is, if you can prove it, that is

Gothel: Heh. Simple enough. Go on, Teddie.

 _Teddie stares at her, in his usual, still fashion, he's shivering in fear under his bear suit_

 _Gothel was glaring at the mascot._

Bonkers (armfolds) ...well?

Gothel: Give him a few more seconds. He tends to get scared rather easily….Well, then, Teddie? Speak!

Teddie (makes bear noises)

Bonkers: I've seen enough (claps) Buggzy, you and Tosstoise take her out of my sight

 _Buggzy obligues and carries her by one arm and pull her away from the counter, and away from Teddie_

Gothel: I can assure you that he can talk just fine!

 _Gothel makes the error of grabbing Teddie by the mouth._

Gothel: (in a high pitched, squeaky voice) Hello. How "beary" nice to meet you!

Bonkers: I had my doubts before, but this time, it's official, take her to the madhouse

 _Tosstoise arrives, late as usual with him, grabs the old woman by the other arm and walks away with her and Buggzy, she struggles trying to break free. One of her legs flies out and kicks a rather odd-looking bee out of a child's jar, that bee in question is Barry B. Benson, from the Bee Movie, and his cage drops on Teddie's head. He somehow gets sprinkled with enough honey to be able to fly._

Teddie: w-woah! This is bear-y convenient! I can fly!

 _In a flash of light he bursts out of his suit, revealing himself to be an attractive, blonde young man_

Ness: "he can fly!"

 _out of a garbage can being held by Oscar the Grouch, Grover, Ernie, and Bert emerge to witness this event_

Grover, Ernie, and Bert: "he can fly!"

Bonkers: HE'S **A HUMAN!?**

Teddie: "Ha, ha! Yepperoos! You must be bear-y dis-grizz-led with this revelation! Now I'm a flying, talking bear mascot that's also a human AND has a Persona!. _He makes a terrible imitation of Vince McMahon_ You may have seen a housefly, heard a rapper that's fly, lamented how prices fly, maybe your name's Josuke Higashikata and had to deal with a lame Stand that looked like an electric tower and was called Superfly! but, I bet you ain't never seen a flying bear. Ha, ha!"

 _As soon as he started flying, the PSI sprinkled into him wilts away and he falls in the floor, instinctively he switches to his bear costume again_

Teddie: ...I can explain

 _Bonkers jumps from across the counter, and brings out his hammer, he pulls out 3 explosive wallnuts from his pocket and throws one at Teddie_

Bonkers: WADDLE DEES! **SEIZE HIM!**

 _An army of Waddle Dees wielding spears ran blindly behind Teddie, and Bonkers followed them suite, Teddie ventures into the forest, hoping for the best, before bumping into a rather familiar sight, Teddie looks scared for a moment, he then spots the guards coming up the path. He lets out a soft whimper and quickly hides behind Chad.  
_

Bonkers: (swings his hammer) you there! The shitty guitarist!

 _Chad was speechless at everything he was seeing, but quickly gained his composure._

Chad: Yeah?

Bonkers: By the order of King Dedede the Second, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you all to a designated resettlement facility, and eliminate you if you do not comply.

Chad: Uh, right… you and _what army_ , huh?

Bonkers: **THIS** army!

 _He looks behind, and is rather disappointed upon seeing the entirety of his army ran off like chickens, he looks at Chad, knowing that he easily could kill him with awful music, and turns tails, crying for his long-deceased mother's embrace, he forgets his hammer, before returning and grabbing it again, then, he leaves_

Chad: ...well, that was weird. I'll just head off and be on my wa-

Teddie: Can I say something to you? Listen, you, there, that was really, really, really something awesome!. Incredible!. Bear-y incredible indeed!

Chad: What? Are you talking to -

 _Chad turned around. Teddie was gone._

Chad: - me?

 _Chad turned around to see Teddie right in front of him._

Chad: Wh-

Teddie: Yepperoos!. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell ya that you that you was great back there? That giant gorilla, hoo boy he thought he was all that with that dumb mallet of his, . Then you showed up right in front'a them, and bam! He was trippin' over himself with as much grace as Kanji wearing a ballerina outfit!. That really, REALLY, made me feel good to see that.

Chad: ...well, that's great. _Really!_

Teddie: I tell you, it feels soooo great to finally be free!

Chad: Well, if it's so great, why don't you celebrate your freedom with any friends _you_ have? What even _are_ you?

Teddie: well, that's a fun story, uhh...I don't have any friends, yeah, shocking, I know, And I'm not goin' out there by myself! Have you seen how dangerous it is to go alone?. Hey, hey! wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're one mean, lean, fightin' machine. Together, we'll scare the ever-loving spit out of anybody that crosses us! We can be a dynamic duo! Like Wallace and Gromit!

 _Chad turns, looking at Teddie for a few moments. He then starts the vocals to How You Remind Me in an attempt to scare him away._

Teddie: woo! Great jam! Goes well with my brain-erasing playlist

 _Teddie shows him a list of cringeworthy songs, which includes Baby and Despacito_

Teddie: see? Pretty good stuff to destroy your braincells. If you don't mind me sayin', if that doesn't work properly, well, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, cuz you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, with the stench of marijuana, which reminds me of that one time when I saw Mitsuru's pri-

 _Chad covers his mouth in order to spare the details, but Teddie continues._

Teddie: ...then I ate some good meals, courtesy of Akihiko-san. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day, and that really peeved Rise a little.

Chad: ...why are you following me, little bear?

Teddie: simple, cuz I am bear-y lonely and have no pal-das, and it kind of bugs me because in this world everyone who don't be a Nintendo Lander is being hunted like panda bears! I tells ya, it's not a bear-y nice situation, matter of fact, I disa-grizzly with that view of our world

Chad: ...stop it with the bear puns! I get the story, alright? It's no _wonder_ you don't have any real friends!

Teddie: Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest! That's awesome!

Chad: Listen, little Ursa Minor. Take a look at me for a few seconds, okay? What do I look like to you?

Teddie: like a discount Kurt Cobain?

Chad: No! I'm the singer to Nickelback! Y'know, "your band sucks", "your band is the worst ever"! Doesn't that bother you?

Teddie: are we barring Limp Bizkit out of this?

Chad: ...that's a very close second. You really aren't bothered by what I just told you?

Teddie: honestly? Nah, I've seen worse, besides, I am pretty sure we barred out K-POP as a whole out of your "worst bands" list

 _Chad was surprised by Teddie's lack of fear._

Chad: ...huh. I see.

Teddie: man, I already feel we're soulmates, your name?

Chad: Uh… Chad. Chad Kroeger… of Nickelback fame.

Teddie: Chad? ...that's one awesome name, like, The Chad, the polar opposite to The Virgin, well, you know what I like about you, Chad? You got that kind of the I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing going on, and. I like that. I respect that, Chad. You all right.

 _They come over to a hill and you can see Chad's house.  
_

Teddie: Whoah! Look at that trainwreck! Who'd want to live in a place like that?

Chad: ...that's my house. I've barely had any time to clean it recently for travel reasons.

 _Teddie pales and slaps himself_

Teddie: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful! You know you are quite a decorator, if so I say, Chad, It's amazing what you've done with such a minuscule budget. I like that toilet, that is a nice toilet. I guess you don't entertain much, do you?

Chad: What can I say? I like my privacy...

Teddie: Honestly?, I do too. That's another thing we both have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face and it is NOT a cute girl. You've trying to give them a hint, and they just won't leave. There's that awkward silence.

 _Lo and behold, awkward silence_

Teddie: Ummm….can I stay with you?

Chad: ...what?

Teddie: I asked if I could stay with you, Chad

 _Chad replied sarcastically._

Chad: Oh, _of course_ you can! _Make yourself right at home!_

Teddie: alrighty then! It's bear-y nice that you actually let me in!

Chad: ...not really! I was being _sarcastic_. Learn about it one day.

 _Teddie looks at Chad with tears on his eyes_

Teddie: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak!

 _He looks at Chad, and then thinks about it_

Teddie: Okay, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!

Chad: ...one night only. Okay? _One. Night. Only._

Teddie: Oh thank you thank you thank youuuuu!

 _Teddie instantly zips inside of Chad's house, accidentally breaking a few things_

Chad: Hey! What the hell do you think-

 _He notices Teddie spinning on a chair next to his computer_

Chad: Oh no… _no!_ I forgot to delete my webpage history on that thing!

 _Teddie was still spinning and spoke in a cheap imitation of Felix Kjellberg's voice_

Teddie: **BUT CAN YOU DO THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS?**

 _He returns to his regular speaking voice while spinning in joy_

Teddie: This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, I know many, did I tell you that time I shrunk and had to retrieve a key?, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles! Akihiko-san taught me the recipe

Chad: Stop spinning on my chair! That thing can't spin forever!

Teddie: fine, fine, sorry

 _Teddie dismounts from Chad's chair, and instantly lies in Chad's bed_

Teddie: Geez, this place smells like semen and sweat, where do I sleep?

Chad: You can sleep…

 _Chad pointed to outside his house._

Chad: ... **OUTSIDE!**

Teddie: O-oh...okay, It's cool, I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me for more than 24 hours so it figures you'd only have one bed, so I guess outside is best, you know. Here I go, nighty!.

 _Chad slams the door, but from behind the door, Teddie can_ _ **still**_ _be heard talking_

Teddie: I mean...I do like the outdoors. I'm a bear after all, even if just a bear mascot. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. All alone...and there's not a single friend here beside me...

Chad: Good grief…

 **BACK AT CHAD'S HOUSE**

 _Chad is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down on a seat and lights a candle with a lighter. He begins to eat when he hears a noise, which he thinks is from the outside of his house. He stands up with a huff and walks to the window, looking at Teddie from the outside._

Chad: (to Teddie) I thought you said you would stay outside. What's that noise?

 _From a window outside of Chad's house, Teddie's head pops in_

Teddie: but I am outside

 _Another noise is heard. Chad turns around to find the person making the noise… well, maybe "person" would be a bit of a stretch._

 _Chad sees several shadows moving, all of them shaped like office utensils. Chad finally turns in the right direction and finds Clippy, Coppy and F1, seemingly Microsoft had put them out of their job. Chad is 100% confused at this point._

Clippy: Well, folks, it's a far cry from the Office, but what choice do we have?

Coppy: Hmmm...It's not home, but it'll do just fine for the meantime.

(Chad finds the third one, the pencil sharpener robot jumping on Chad's sandwich)

F1: What a lovely bed this is, it even has the scent of food

 _Chad grabs one of the office assistants, but it escapes his grasp._

F1: guys, I found a pencil!

 _he sinks Chad's ear into his mouth and starts spinning, essentially_ _ **peeling the skin of Chad's ear off**_

 _Chad covered his ear in pain, blood coming out from his hand, F1 stops shut_

F1: This tastes awful!

Clippy: F1? Is that you?

F1: The one and only, need any help?

Chad: Hey, what the hell was that for!?

 _Chad grabbed the three Microsoft assistants with his free hand._

Chad: Why are you in my house!? How did you get here?

 _Chad gets bumped from behind by a hospital bed without wheels that's stationated on the table, Chad drops the assistants and looks to see Kyoko Kirigiri, ripe with Despair Disease, being pulled in by Makoto Naegi, Yasuhiro Hagakure, Aoi Asahina, Komaru Naegi, Byakuya Togami, Toko Fukawa, and Kyosuke Munakata_

Chad: God _damnit!_ Take the dead woman _off the table!_

Makoto: but we don't have where to lie her so we can get medical help, the bed's taken!

Chad: Taken?

 _Chad runs upstairs to his room and finds a terrifying sight, Shovel Knight, in his duckie pyjamas, but still wearing his helmet, was reading a book, his armor and shovel were all lying by his side, Shovel Knight stops his reading and looks at Chad_

Shovel Knight: ...what?

 _Chad paused, his facial expression completely deflating in pure, utter, cringe, as a kettle whistle was heard._

 **TIME LAPSE**

 _Chad held Shovel Knight by the horns, dragging him to the front door of his house_

Shovel Knight: but I didn't even get to finish my book!

Chad: I live far away from everyone else. I put up signs telling everyone to leave me alone. What does a man have to do to _get a little privacy!?_

 _Chad throws him outside, armor and all, and sees what could be defined as pure, utter Hell, unravelling right in front of him, he's quickly pushed aside by Reimu Hakurei and Marisa Kirisame who swoop by in a flying race, the duo lands by each other's side, signaled by their trusty third wheel: Alice Margatroid_

Chad: Oh no… oh no… _**OH NO**_ …

 _Chad looks to another side and sees a Capsule, from Capsule Corporation, being used as a makeshift house by Bulma and her family, she gets interrupted in her daily activities by Trunks and Goten in another fight_

Bulma: what did I tell you two about fighting? Must I call your parents!?

 _And by the side of that, Mettaton, likely retired from showbiz, doing poses that are fabulous enough to attract more than just 3 Microsoft helpers, afterwards, we shift view in a fireplace, Chen sleeping in the arms of Ran Yakumo, as she tells Chen a bedtime story, Chad sees far more of this insanity, as the 5 magic words start forming in his inside out of pure. utter. anger…._

 _Chad inhaled, exhaled, and let it all out._

Chad: _**WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL DOING ON MY PROPERTY!?**_

 _Upon hearing Chad's unquenchable anger, everyone dropped their activities in pure utter fear, the scream was legitimately strong enough to get the likes of Erza Scarlet, Lucy Heartfilia, and Juvia Lockser, who were previously having a civilized conversation, into hiding in a nearby tent, Makoto oddly enough jumped in Byakuya's arms, with the two staring in utter awkwardness at this moment_

Byakuya: no words about this?

Makoto: no words about this

 _There was a long, disturbing silence, until finally…_

Chad: Alright… all of you, get off my front lawn. Get out of here… don't try to drag your feet in, because I have a baseball bat.

 _As soon as Chad brought that warning, he noticed many people running back inside, with Makoto making sure to lock the door, for safe measure, Navi also tries to get an in, but ends up knocking herself unconscious with the door_

Chad: No! Not in there! Get out of my house!

 _Chad turns to look at Teddie, absolutely_ _ **furious.**_

Teddie: don't look at me, I didn't do a thing

Kokichi: That fat, blobby penguin forced us out here!

Chad: ...then how did they all get here?

 _Someone walked towards Chad_

Grover: it was all the craft of King Dedede, he swung his hammer aloft, and...he then pulled an eviction notice

Chad: …King Dedede, huh? Who knows where this "Dedede" lives?

 _Awkward silence…_

Teddie: oh, I do, I know where he lives!

Chad: Anybody **else**? Anybody at all?

 _Chen raises her hand in excitement, but Ran pulls it down, Chen pouts but understands her mom wants her to stay safe until they can rescue Chen's grandma, Shovel Knight and Joseph Joestar look at each other and instinctively point at each other, clearly not wanting to be part of the action, this time at the very least, especially not without an armor suit or proper Hamon training, the Red Stone of Aja, and a pair of tequila bottles_

Chad: Anybody? Anybody at all?

 _Teddie pops between the crowd, repeated times, calling out himself_

Teddie: Pick me! Pick me!

 _Chad sighed, knowing he had no other choice._

Chad: ...alright. Attention, all… "Non-Nintendo immigrants". Do _not_ get comfortable here! Your welcome has worn out. I'm going to see the guy that caused all this right now and get you all back where you originally were!

 _There is a pause. The crowd then goes wild. Chad turns to Teddie, pointing at him._

Chad: And as for you… you're coming with me!

Teddie: Alrighty!, that's what I like to hear!, man. Chad and Teddie, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind, big-city adventure! Shenanigans ensue! Coming in full-3D to your screens!. I love it!

Chad: Rotten Tomatoes gives it a fresh rating… of 60%.

 **TIME LAPSE: AWAY FROM CHAD'S HOUSE**

 _Teddie had been humming the Persona 5 opening for what felt like hours, he was becoming a massive nuisance for sure…_

Teddie: you never see it **COMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING….** c'mon Chad! With sentiment!

Chad: ...what did I say about the singing, Teddie? Stop repeating it over and over!

Teddie: can I whistle it?

Chad: No, don't whistle it. I have it stuck in my head already, that's just gonna make it worse!

Teddie: and if I hum it?

Chad: …that would be more preferred. Hum it.

Teddie: thaaaaaaaaaaaank you~!

 _He keeps humming Last Surprise, which, unsurprisingly, still gets in Chad's nerves. Chad simply sighed it off._

 **DREAMLAND: KITCHEN**

 _(a one-eyed man is sinking what looks like a hunk of meat, into a pot of frying oil repeatedly, as we hear footsteps come close, we see two webbed legs walking and a hammer sliding towards the kitchen...we see the door, fit for a tall, menacing monarch, and...well….the King certainly fulfills the tall part, but he gets stuck due to his massive girth, he ends up pulling a chunk of the door and entering)_

Dedede (laughing) run run run, as fast as you can, I'm the meat boy, I will dodge all your traps! (laughs)

Meat Boy: you're a monster!

Dedede: I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that deformed No-Big N trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, answer! Where are the others?

Meat Boy: bite me!

 _Meat Boy pulls his arm off, quickly regenerates it, and flings the severed limb at Dedede's face, he gets hit by it, and swats it off with his flipper_

Dedede: I've tried to be fair to you creatures, but now, my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll…

 _He lifts his hammer in the air, as Meat Boy stops him_

Meat Boy: nonono! Don't crush me, please! I would make a mess out of this...place!

 _Dedede stops shut_

Dedede: so, will you speak then?

Meat Boy: y-yes...anything for your Highness….do you know of the Amish?

Dedede: yeah? The Amish are a group of people, very sharp-dressed

Meat Boy: yep, and they can build everything

Dedede: and…?

Meat Boy: they built them a shelter

Dedede: **A SHELTER!?**

Meat Boy: **YES THEY BUILT THEM A SHELTER!  
**

 _Dedede stops shut, and thinks for some seconds_

Dedede: I might actually consider hiring them…

 _The door opens as Escargoon walks in_

Escargoon: your Highness, we found him

Dedede: you did? Then what are you waiting for!? bring him to me!

 _Escargoon obliges, as many Waddle Dees pull in what looks like a large blue tube_

Meat Boy: oooh….

Dedede: behold, Zordon…

Meat Boy: don't tell him anyt- (he gets flung all the way outside)

Dedede: evening Zordon, great overseer, is this kingdom not like the fantasy you once envisioned?

 _The tube starts up as a human-like head made out of energy manifests_

Zordon: well...technically you're not a king

Dedede: ummm….Doo?

 _The Waddle Doo that was torturing Meat Boy grabs a crystal glass and throws it to the wall_

Zordon: ….

Dedede: as you were saying?

Zordon: Well, What I mean is you're not a king yet, but you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.

Dedede: go on? And please tell me this does not need one of your Power Coins nonsense...I can't even fit in the black suit….

Zordon: oh, don't worry, you won't need a Power Coin, that's just required if you want to become japanese stock footage; so, just sit back and relax, my lord...because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes.

 _Zordon projects three separate screens, each showing in a different character_

Zordon: And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning, she has quite the figure, and boy are those a pair of knockers, though I did hear she's a little fat, and becomes creepy and overly attached to those she loves, give a warm welcome to...Camilla!

 _Bachelorette #1: Camilla, is shown on the leftmost screen_

Zordon: Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of the future. Although she goes on adventures with her dad, her brother, her brother's dad, and many other men, she's not easy, she's also incredibly flat, just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Watch that sword glitter and give a warm welcome to Lucina!

 _Bachelorette #2: Lucina, is shown on the center screen_

Zordon: And last, but certainly not least, Bachelorette number three is a fiery whitehead from a heavily guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, she's as naive as a brick and has problems to decide things, she overanalyzes a lot even the most minimal details, but she makes up for it with her perky, upbeat nature. Yours for the rescuing, Corrin!

 _Bachelorette #3: Corrin, is shown on the rightmost screen_

Zordon: So will it be Bachelorette number one, Bachelorette number two or Bachelorette number three?

 _All of Dedede's guards go apeshit over this really difficult decision, they start yelling from their lungs to Dedede in order to convince him, most of them yell Camilla though, they must be hypnotized by that killer front, those who vote Lucina just see the pretty face and personality that lies on that stoic face, and a whole other bunch just votes Corrin_

Waddle Doo: Three! Pick number three, my lord!

 _Waddle Doo lifts a sign with the number 4 on it_

Dedede: okay...okay...give me some time…..

 _Dedede starts thinking, worried_

Dedede: hmmm...Number one has quite the figure...but she's also a fatass….and I cannot allow someone being fatter than me, much less my love, I'm instantly discarding that second one, I'm too lazy to attempt conquering a wasted cause…..alright, screw it! I'm going for number 3!

Zordon: King Dedede, you have chosen Number 3... !

 _All of the henchmen that voted 3 cheer loudly, as those who voted 1 and 2 are enraged as all hell_

Dedede: Princess Corrin. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go and...

Zordon: but I should probably mention a little something that happens at night

Dedede: Don't sweat it, I'll do it!

Zordon: but this is kind of import-

Dedede: Silence! I will make that there Corrin my queen, and Dreamland will finally have the perfect king! Escargoon!. Assemble our finest men. We're going to have a tournament. And fetch me some 'tater chips!

Escargoon: a Tournament and some chips, yes sire!

 _Escargoon abandons to fetch those chips and organise a tournament, while Dedede smiles from one corner of his beak to the other_

 **DREAMLAND PARKING LOT: META KNIGHT SECTION**

 _Chad and Teddie come out of the field that is right by the parking lot. The castle itself is_ _ **massive.**_

Teddie: And that's the place. That's it right there, everyone, took me like an hour of walking in circles to find it, but that's Dreamland. I told ya I'd find it!

Chad: That must be King Dedede's castle, then. Bigger than I thought.

Teddie: Uh-huh, told ya we'd find it eventually, and it only took walking in circles for a while

Chad: You think the castle might be to compensate for something?

 _Chad laughed… then groaned, since Teddie didn't seem to get it. Chad and Teddie continued to walk through the parking lot, Chad goes front, but Teddie waddles to Chad's speed_

Teddie: w-wait for me, Chad!

Random Civillian: Honey! We're in a hurry!

 _Chad turned to look at the civillian, wearing a giant King Dedede head._

Chad: Hey!

 _The civillian starts to run towards the gate, running through rows of rope to get away from Chad._

Chad: ...wait. Look, I'm not gonna try to sing, I just -

 _Chad sighed and begun walking through the rows. The random civillian ran straight into a wall and fell down. Chad and Teddie looked at him, then continued on to Dreamland._

 **DREAMLAND**

 _Chad and Teddie look around but all is quiet.  
_

Chad: It's quiet… where is everybody? This place is like a ghost town.

Teddie: oh boy! Look at that Chad!

 _Teddie runs to what looks like a theatre box, he looks at it, and pulls a lever that is attached to the box, the music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden Kirbies inside and they begin to sing...Chad stared at what he was seeing with an utterly speechless expression, Teddie, meanwhile, was clapping with the spectacle._

Chad: What the -

 _Cue the song!_

Wooden Kirbies: Welcome to Dreamland, such a perfect town **  
**Though we have some rules  
Let us lay them down  
Don't make waves, stay in line  
And we'll get along fine  
Dreamland is the perfect place  
Please keep off of the grass  
Shine your shoes, wipe your... face  
Dreamland is, Dreamland is  
Dreamland is the perfect plaaaace~.

 _The cabin slams shut and a camera takes a picture of Chad and Teddie, it instantly prints it as a souvenir_

Teddie: hey Chad! Let's do that again! It's free, after all, right?

Chad: No, let's _not_ do it again! I feel violated!

 _The duo hear a fanfare. It leads them to the True Arena._

 **DREAMLAND - THE TRUE ARENA**

 _They enter the arena, through a tunnel, Teddie's humming the Dreamland song, and see someone standing up in front of a podium, King Dedede opens what looks like a paper, he coughs into his mouth, and looks at the public_

King Dedede: Brave knights. You are the best and the brightest in all the land. Today one, and only one of you all shall prove himself…

 _In the arena, the toughest of Dedede's men: Bonkers, Buggzy, Mr. Frosty, Tosstoise, Jukid, Poppy Brother Sr., Mr. Tick Tock, Fire Lion, Water Galboros, King Doo, Giant Edge, Kibble Blade, Moundo and Dubior, all lined up, ready for combat, meanwhile, inside the tunnel, Teddie is_ _ **still**_ _humming_

Chad: You're going the right way for a smack if you keep this up…

Teddie: oh, sorry…

Dedede: ...That champion shall have the honor!...no, no...the privilege to go forth, and rescue the lovely Corrin from the fiery keep of the Wyvern!. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place, and so on and so forth, so don't kill each other just yet. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make, so, with that off the way...Let the tournament beg-!

 _Chad and Teddie enter the arena, all of Dedede's men turn_

King Dedede: Oh! Ew! What is that thing!? It's hideous!

Chad: Hey, that's not nice. It's just a bear… a cartoonish bear, but still!

King Dedede: ….yeah….I can see perfectly: Alright, my men, new plan! The one who manages to kill that ugly canadian shall be named champion, do not hold back! Have at him!

Chad: Whoa! Whoa!

 _Chad backed up, eventually bumping into a table with beer bottles stacked on him. Chad help up one of the bottles, all 14 soldiers surrounded Chad, Bonkers slammed his hammer inches in front of him_

Chad: Heh heh… can't we just settle this over some good friends and a few drinks?

Crowd: **KILL THE BEAST!**

 _The 14 soldiers walk even closer, in a menacing way. Chad sighed, before gripping the bottle even firmer._

Chad: No? I see. Reasoning with you is pointless…

 _Chad downed the bottle._

Chad: _**COME ON!**_

 _All 14 of Dedede's Elite Forces run towards Chad as soon as he finishes the bottle. Chad uses the bottle to smash Mr. Frosty over the head with, before moving on to the others. He uses one of the glass shards to (somehow) break the other bottles open; their contents spill out onto the ground, practically turning it into mud. The soldiers, sans Mr. Frosty, get up and engage in combat, Chad slides past Poppy Bros. Sr. and knocks him with a kick to the shin_

Fire Lion: Jukid, watch out!

Jukid: **HUH!?**

 _The two look above, Teddie gets up on one of the larger beer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll. Teddie manages to squish the duo into the mud, esentially eliminating them, Dedede looks enraged and crosses out two names from his list, Teddie passes by Chad's side, crushing Mr. Tick Tock, Moundo, and Dubior, as Chad steps into a ring, Kibble Blade and Giant Edge enter in and run towards Chad, who pulls one of the ropes and delivers a devastating lariat to the duo, the crowd boos, Water Galboros runs next, before Chad uses his legs to bench press him into the ground, Chad then jumps from a turntable towards King Doo and elbow-drops him, Tosstoise looks at Chad and bangs his fists_

Tosstoise: bring it on!

Chad: Alright, big guy. You came out of your shell, huh?

 _Chad positions himself behind Tosstoise, and puts him in an arm lock, before looking at Teddie_

Teddie: Chad! Let's do a combo move!

 _Chad runs towards the turntable where Teddie's standing, and allows him to smash Tosstoise in the head with his elbow, the crowd goes wild_

Chad: Alright! That's what I'm talking about!

 _While Chad's too busy soaking up the glory, Buggzy creeps behind him and prepares his antlers to piledrive Chad, when a voice from the crowd is heard_

Marx: The Chair! **HIT HIM WITH THE CHAIR!**

 _Chad turns to Buggzy, grabs a chair, and looks at him, Buggzy's face quickly changes from smug and determined, to outright frightened, Chad breaks the chair on Buggzy's face, knocking him down, with only Bonkers left, it's a one-in-one_

Bonkers: **you...** I may have been afraid of you before, but not this time!

Chad _: You again?_

Bonkers: what can I say? I'm a tough nut

 _Bonkers heaves his hammer and runs towards Chad, before getting arguably the worst punishment, Chad stops his hammer, and breaks it in half, and then proceeds to throw Bonkers to the ropes and give him an Atomic Leg Drop that would put a tear on Hulk Hogan's eye, Chad then picks him up, gives him a Gorilla Press that would make the Ultimate Warrior proud, in pain, Bonkers reaches for the ropes, before Chad turns him over, and delivers him the ultimate finisher: a Tombstone Piledriver from the turntables that would get the approval of the Undertaker himself, Chad jumps with his rival, and slams Bonker's head on the floor with such strength, causing his body to go unconscious, Chad then throws him to a corner, and Teddie slaps him silly for safe measure, the crowd goes insane_

Chad: Ah, thank you! I'll see you all at the show! Haha!

 _Chad flipped off the crowd Steve Austin style, before laughing, The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on Chad, miraculously still alive, but badly beaten, they look at Chad, Bonkers, with what little strength remains in him, darts him a threatening look as he holds the splinters that are left from his hammer in a menacing way._

Bonkers: S-shall I...give...the order...s-sir?

King Dedede: No, I have a better idea.

 _Dedede turns to the crowd, and raises his flipper_

King Dedede: People of Dreamland, I give you our champion!

 _The crowd cheers for Chad, and the guards, instantly fall off, unconscious due to the trauma from the fight_

Chad: Huh?

King Dedede: Congratulations, ape. You've won the honor of embarking on, quoting the late Chris-Chan, my great and noble Love Quest.

Chad: That's great… but I'm already on a quest! A "Property Quest", if you will

King Dedede: Ummm….property?

Chad: My property! Where you dropped all those, quoting you, "Non-Nintendo immigrants" at!

King Dedede: oh yeah, that dumpster...All right, hairless ape. I'll make you a deal that you won't regret: Go on this Love Quest for me, and I'll give you your old dumpster back.

Chad: Exactly the way it originally was?

King Dedede: Down to the last of your soggy porn magazines.

Chad: And the "immigrants"?

King Dedede: Out of your property, and into God-Knows-Where

Chad: Just _how_ hard is your "Love Quest"?

 **TIME LAPSE**

 _Teddie and Chad are now walking through the field heading away from Dreamland. Chad is munching on an onion he bought on the Dreamland Walmart._

Teddie: umm….Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a giant purple dragon and rescue a princess just so that fatass will give you back a property which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Am I missing something?

Chad: Maybe there's a good reason why bears don't usually talk.

Teddie: I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that Nickelback stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, anihilate his ears with your BTS-tier voice, the whole jist.

Chad: Oh, that's a great idea! How about this; how about I decapitate an entire village, put their heads on a pike, get a knife, cut their stomach open and use their intestines as a jumping rope. Does that sound good to you?

Teddie: ...ummm….honestly? Uh, no, not really, no.

Chad: Oh, and for your information? There's a lot more to rockstars than most people think.

Teddie: give me a good reason

Chad: Well, uh… rockstars are like onions!

 _Teddie sniffs one…_

Teddie: they stink after the 20th century?

Chad: Well, yeah - no!

Teddie: they make you cry?

Chad: No, yet again! That's not it!

Teddie: they make you die at age 27 from a drug overdose and/or cancer?

Chad: No! Layers! Onions and rockstars have _layers!_ Onions, rockstars. We both have layers. Get it?

 _Chad sighed and walked off, Teddie scuttled by his side_

Teddie: Oh, you both have layers. Oh….my bad, say, not everybody likes onions. How about cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers too, and are bear-y sweet.

Chad: I don't care… what other people like. A rockstar is not like a cake!

Teddie: ohh...You know what else everybody likes!? Parfaits!. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"!? Parfaits are delicious, like, real damn good

Chad: _**NO!**_ You irritating beast of burden! Rockstars are like onions! You got it? End of the story, bye bye, _see you later._

Teddie: ...Parfaits may be the most delicious thing that exists on the whole damn planet.

Chad: I think I might've preferred your humming...

Teddie: Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word "parfait" makes me start slob-bear-ing.

 _The duo heads off. In a travel montage, obnoxiously, Teddie plays an instrumental version of Last Surprise as they do all the journey until it skips to them sleeping under a bright moon. The morning after Chad tries to put out the campfire they were using to keep themselves warm, but he's having a bit of a problem._

Teddie: you can't put it out? Let me fix that

 _Teddie gets out of his bear suit, unzips his pants, squats over the fireplace, and takes a shit on the fire, he then goes to a nearby lake to wash his ass, puts his pants back on, and jumps on his bear suit, screwing the head back in place. Chad was_ _ **speechless**_ _._

Teddie: I fixed it

Chad: ...let's carry on.

 **DRAGON'S KEEP**

 _The camera pans to show Chad hiking up the top of a ledge that eventually leads to the bridge to the keep… with Teddie tied onto him via a thread, Teddie sniffs_

Teddie: Ohh! Chad! Did you do that!? Listen man, you gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything!.

Chad: Believe me; if it _was_ me, you'd be dead.

 _Chad sniffed._

Teddie: then if it wasn't you, what was it?

Chad: Must've been brimstone.

 _Chad wandered off._

Chad: C'mon, Teddie. We're getting closer...

Teddie: ah, yes, """brimstone""", Yeah, right, """brimstone""". Don't be talking about "it's the brimstone". I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither.

 _Chad and Teddie climb up the side of the keep and look down. There's a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where the castle is. It's surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very foreboding._

Chad: Yeah, it's _big enough_ , but _look at where it's located_!

 _Chad laughed… the laugh turned into a groan when he realized that Teddie probably wouldn't get it._

Teddie: ermmmm….Chad, you said Rockstars had layers, right?

Chad: Yeah… what about that?

Teddie: well...I have to be sincere, Bears don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves

Chad: ...but bears don't wear sleeves.

Teddie: well I wear them in my human sleeves

Chad: C'mon, Teds… you can't tell me you're afraid of heights again.

Teddie: No, I'm just a little uncomfortable, scratch that, bear-y uncomfortable _about being held aloft by a flimsy rope above_ _a rickety bridge_ _ **over a BOILING LAKE OF LAVA!**_

Chad: Relax, Teddie...

 _Chad knelt down, put his hand on Teddie's back, put his face right next to him and in the creepiest voice ever…_

Chad: _I'm right here beside you, okay?_ For emotional support, we'll handle this bridge together one step at a time.

Teddie: really?

Chad: Really really…

Teddie: Okay, that makes me feel so much better. Thanks Chad.

Chad: Just keep moving… and _don't look down, okay_?

Teddie: Got'cha...okay, don't look down. Don't look down...don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't...look down.

 _Teddie steps through a rotting board and ends up looking straight down and into the lava._

Teddie: **CHAD I'M LOOKING DOWN! OH GOD, I CAN'T DO THIS! PLEASE! JUST CUT THE ROPE AND LET ME RUN BACK HOME! I'M TOO HANDSOME TO DIE!**

Chad: Teddie, you're already halfway! You can do this! Remember, _one step at a time!_

Teddie: But...but I know that half is no checkpoint! One misstep and it's back to the womb!

Chad: Look, I don't have time for this… just go back!

Teddie: Thank you very mu-

 _Teddie realizes he's tied, and that bridge is clearly not built for insecure people_

Teddie: No! Wait! Chad!

Chad: Just… Teddie, let's have a little dance, okay? Put on your red shoes and dance the blues...

 _Chad began to sway the bridge back and forth._

Teddie: CHAD! STOP THAT!

Chad: Oh, I'm sorry… stop what? Oh, _this?_

 _Chad continued to sway the bridge back and forth as he backs Teddie across the bridge._

Teddie: _YES! THAT!_

Chad: _Oh, do it? Okay!_

 _Chad swayed the bridge yet again._

Teddie: _CHAD! PLEASE! STOP IT!_

Chad: You said _do it_! I'm doing it, alright?

Teddie: _**I'MGONNADIE! I'MGONNADIE! I'MGONNADIE! I'MGONNADIE!...**_

 _Chad and Teddie have just stepped in solid ground_

Teddie: oh…

 _Chad held Teddie's body as if to comfort him._

Chad: ...that'll do, bear. That'll do.

 _Chad walked towards the castle._

Teddie: thank you very much…(he unties himself) so...about that fire-breathing Furaffinity bait….where is she?

Chad: She's inside the castle… waiting for us to rescue her!

 _Chad laughed._

Teddie: I was talking 'bout the Dragon…

 **INSIDE THE CASTLE…**

Teddie: Afraid?

Chad: Not really, no.

Teddie: But…

Chad: Shh… the dragon might hear us.

Teddie: Good! Me neither!

 _Teddie finds the lifeless corpse of Sir Daniel Fortesque_

Teddie: GAH! ...As I was saying, I ain't afraid 'cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation...Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. _With a dragon that spits fire and eats knights and breathes fire and_ _ **EATS KNIGHTS...**_ it sure doesn't mean you're a coward! Heck, if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.

Chad: Teddie, I need you to do two very simple things…

 _Chad counted to two for every word he punctuated._

Chad: Shut. Up.

 _Chad put his hand on Teddie's back and pointed in a direction._

Chad: Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs, alright?

Teddie: ...Stairs? Thought we were looking for a princess

 _Chad put on a nearby helmet._

Chad: She'll be up the stairs in the highest room of the tallest tower. I know that because I read it in a book once when I was younger...

Teddie: Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll deal with the stairs. I'll find those stairs, and as an added bonus; I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'!

 _Teddie laughs nervously before walking off._

 **IN AN EMPTY ROOM…**

 _Teddie is still talking to himself as he braves the "Stairs"_

Teddie: I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master!. I've mastered the stairs, back when I was in the Night Channel!. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over its bloody mug!

 **ELSEWHERE…**

 _Chad spotted a light in the tallest tower window._

Chad: Well, I know where the princess is, but where's the-

Teddie: _**DRAGON!**_

 _Without much warning, a purple dragon began to follow the bear, spitting out fire in his direction. Chad manages to get Teddie out of the way just as it breathes fire._

Teddie: Thanks for the save!

Chad: Teddie! Watch out!

 _Chad grabs the purple dragons tail and holds onto it._

Chad: I've got you now!

Teddie: What are ya, Super Mario 64?

Cynder: Get….off….my….TAIL!

 _The dragon, irrated, spun around as fast as it possibly could, making sure that the ear piercing musician let go of it._

 _Chad let go alright, but he was sent flying to the tower where Corrin laid dormant… right through the window… probably waking her up accidentally…...which he most certainly did, as she sat up, looking right at him._

Teddie: Whoah! (he falls off, and looks at the giant dragon) holy crap! You almost roasted me!...

 _Teddie get cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small part of the bridge he's on.  
_

Teddie: HOLY SMOKES!...No. Oh, no, No!...

 _Teddie inhales, then exhales_

Teddie: alright, alright, you know? You have some big ugly teeth right there, pal

Cynder:...What did you just say?

Teddie: ...I mean, pearly, white teeth! You really look like you take good care of that smirk! I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there...Do I detect a hint of minty freshness and the scent of dead knight?

Cynder: Uhhhhhhhh…...

Teddie: a-and you know wh-oh! You're a woman? Awesome, yeah, cool, I like giantesses, they can treat me as their toy whenever they want...especially one as sexy as you...You're just reeking of feminine beauty

Cynder: Thank you? I thought you were scared of me for a second there…..

 _Teddie noticed the dragon's...advances….Cynder began to blow smoke in front of Teddie, while he just rolls along with it._

Teddie: I mean...why would I? I like them big, I like them giant, matter of fact, I like them like 20 times my own height, just so they get the extra pleasure of holding me...What's the matter with you? Got something in your eye? Ohh...Oh, oh...Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh...in a quest...you see I'm helping that ugly rockstar

Cynder: Heh. Looks like you're more brave than I thought you'd be.

 _Cue more smoke, this time, in the shape of a ring._ _Teddie got hit by the smoke ring, and coughed_

Teddie: umph...I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings...Chad!

 _Cynder, quite efficiently, picked up Teddie with ease._

Teddie: W-WOAH THERE! NO! CHAD! _CHAD_! _**CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!**_

 **CORRIN'S ROOM**

 _Chad groaned as he got off the floor, gripping his head in pain. His back is to Corrin, who lays back down, pretending to fall asleep, holding the bouquet in her hands. Chad turns and walks to her. He looks down at Corrin for a few moments and takes her by the shoulders… before shaking her._

Chad: **WAKE UP!**

Corrin: W-Whuh…?!

Chad: Are you Corrin? _The_ Corrin?

Corrin: Y-Yes…..I'm waiting to be rescued by a noble knight…..

Chad: That's great. _Now let's go!_

 _Chad took Corrin by the hand and near the exit to her room._

Corrin: Wait a second! This is our first encounter, and you're not going to try anything romantic on me?

 _Chad turned to look at Corrin._

Chad: Look, I don't have any time, alright? I'm in a rush…

Corrin: What about your steed or taking me out the window via rope travel?

Chad: ...you've had a lot of time to plan this all out, haven't you?

Corrin: _smiling_ I guess you could say that.

 _Chad used his elbow to break the lock on her door and pulled her out and down the hallway._

Corrin: Why are you in such a rush?! Did you even have time to prepare a poem or sonnet of some kind?!

Chad: Didn't have any time for that...

Corrin: Okay, then can I at least know your name?

Chad: Uh… Roger. Hacked Roger.

 _Corrin cleared her throat_

Corrin: Sir Roger. Take this as a token of my gratitude.

 _Corrin produced a handkerchief from her armor_

Chad: Uh… thanks.

 _Suddenly they hear a roar._

Corrin: Wait a minute, you didn't even slay the dragon?!

Chad: It's on my bucket list. Come on!

 _Chad took off running and dragged Corrin behind him._

Corrin: You're doing this all wrong! You were supposed come in, slaying the dragon with your sword! It's what all knights do!

Chad: And then they all turn to ashes.

Corrin: That's not the point…..

 _Chad suddenly stopped. Corrin ran into him._

Corrin: Hey, wait a second. The exit's the other way!

Chad: ...I have to save my friend from getting the… _stuffing_ beat out of him.

Corrin: _sighs_ Just…...what kind of knight are you?

Chad: One of a kind, darling. _One of a kind._

 _Chad put two of his fingers in front of his forehead, before pointing them both at Corrin, as they run, Teddie's voice is heard from afar_

Teddie: Slow down. Slow down, baby, please..I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time...Call me old-fashioned...but…

Cynder: But?~

Teddie: Listen, I get you lost the love of your life...but I don't want to rush into into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this...magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know...each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my bum! That's my personal bum. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission...why are you grabbing me!?...What are you gonna do with that? Are your legs...spread….OH NO….HEY NOW. NO WAY. NO! NO! _NO, NO_! _NO!, NO! NONONO!_ _ **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-**_

 _In that moment, Teddie knew how true fear looked like...Chad grabbed a chain that was connected to the chandelier and swings towards the dragon, but misses and swings back again. He looks up and spots that the chandelier that is right above Cynder's head. He pulls on the chain and releases, before falling down and bumping Teddie out of the way..._

Chad: ... _ **LEEROY JENKI -**_

 _...just as Cynder was about to kiss him. Instead she kisses Chad's butt instead, Chad's face changing to one of_ _ **sheer horror.**_ _Chad let go of the chain and the chandelier fell on Cynder's head, but it's too big and goes over her head and forms a collar. Chad and Teddie take off running. Chad grabs Teddie and then grabs Corrin as he runs past her._

Teddie: Helloski!

Corrin: A talking bear?!

Chad: Yeah. It's getting him to shut up that's the hard part.

 _They all start screaming as Cynder gains on them. Chad spots a descending slide and jumps onto it. Unfortunately, there is a crack in the stone and it hits Chad right in the groin. His balls are crushed, his eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles off and grabs his balls in pain._

Chad: Ah… fuck…

 _Chad gets them close to the exit and sets down Teddie and Corrin._

Chad: Okay, you two… head for the exit.

 _Chad looks around for a weapon. All he sees is a bunch of ashes and a scissor blade. He picks it up and points it at the dragon._

Chad: ...I'll handle the dragon!

 _Chad heads back towards the interior of the castle. He throws the blade down in between several overlapping chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that is still around Cynder's neck._

Chad: _Run like hell!_

 _The sentence echoes. All three of them take off running for the exit with Cynder in hot pursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. Cynder breathes fire and the bridge begins to burn. They all hang on for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse. They are swung to the other side. As they hang upside down they look in horror as Cynder makes to fly over the boiling lava to get them. But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerks Cynder back and she's unable to get to them. Our gang climbs quickly to safety as Cynder looks angry and then gives a sad face as she watches Teddie walk away._

Corrin: You did it! I can't believe you actually rescued me!

B _ehind her, Teddie falls down the hill and lands with a painful thud._

Teddie: I think I broke my bear ribs

Chad: I think I've broken all of my dignity…

 _Chad put his hands on his groin and groaned in pain._

Corrin: I have to admit…...your methods are…..somewhat unorthodox, but I could see now that you are of pure heart. You are in my debt.

 _Chad cleared his throat and signalled at Teddie._

Teddie: yeah, what about me? I exist too, you know?i

Corrin: Your squire was of great help, too. I couldn't forget you after all you've done, as well.

Teddie: Chad, I hope you're hearing, but she just confirmed that I'm your squire and we're fated to live more adventures

 _Chad's face froze for a few seconds._

Chad: ...uh, he meant Roger. Definitely meant Roger...

Teddie: oh right, sorry Roger, I forgot, Roger has a brother named Chad, by the way, I'm Kuma, I'm Cha-I MEAN ROGER's squire

Corrin: Okay? Ummm…..Since you've completed your task, I must ask you to remove your helmet, Sir Roger of Quarter Refund.

Chad: Uh… I'd rather not. I, uh… I have helmet hair.

Corrin: Please?

Chad: You, uh… really shouldn't be asking me to do this. You might end up regretting it… a lot.

Corrin: How will you kiss me, then?

 _Chad turned to Teddie._

Chad: ...that wasn't part of the deal.

Teddie: must be an added bonus, think of it as a DLC, like Joker.

Corrin: It is simply destiny. A brave knight rescues a princess from mortal danger caused by a dragon, and both share a kiss in the end.

Teddie: wait, let me get this straight, you genuinely think Roger is love, Roger is life?

Corrin: Precisely.

 _Teddie and Chad explode into laughter and fall over_

Teddie: ROGER! SHE THINKS YOU ARE LOVE YOU ARE LIFE!

Corrin: What's so funny?

Chad: ...I'm not your type, okay? Let's just put it that way.

Corrin: May you take off your helmet, at least?

Chad: Look, Corrin… I really don't think this is a good idea.

Corrin: Take your helmet off…

Chad: No! I'm not going to.

Corrin: TAKE IT OFF RIGHT ON THIS INSTANT!

Chad: Damn! As you command, m'lady...

 _Chad took his helmet off._

Chad: Satisfied?

Corrin: Y-You're…..Chad Kroeger!?

Chad: I'm sorry. Were you expecting Dio Brando?

Corrin: I was expecting someone….better….This isn't right…...This isn't right at all!

Chad: Look… I was sent here by King Dedede to rescue you, alright? He wants to marry you… don't ask me why.

Corrin: Why didn't he just come on his own volition, then?

Chad: Good question. You should ask him when we get there!

Corrin: I have to be rescued by my true love! Not by some Canadian oaf and his pet bear!

Teddie: ...so much for Chad's noble squire

Chad: Listen, you're not making my job _any_ easier… at all!

Corrin: That is not my problem. You will tell King Dedede that if he needs me to be rescued, I will wait right here on this very spot.

 _Corrin sat down on the nearest boulder, criss cross apple sauce style._

Chad: Listen, woman. I ain't anybody's messenger boy.

 _Chad put on a UPS outfit, before smiling ominously._

Chad: _**I'm their delivery boy!**_

 _Chad pulled out a box and Teddie forced Corrin's entire body into it, before throwing it into a truck._

Corrin: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

 _Teddie sealed the backside shut with Flex Tape™ and Chad got into the front seat of the vehicle._

Chad: Coming, Teddie?

Teddie: Right behind ya!

 _Teddie runs to the other seat in the front, and puts on his UPS uniform. They both drive away._

 _Corrin is trying to get out, not knowing how car doors work._

 **DREAMLAND - VEGETABLE VALLEY**

 _Some time has passed and Corrin has calmed down. She just willingly sits in the box while Chad and Teddie are driving her away._

Teddie: ummm...Chad, I have a question: Say there's a woman that digs you, right? but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten?

 _Corrin interrupted by speaking from inside her package_

Corrin: You have to let her know that she's not the one for you. Everyone is aware of what finding your true love means, after all.

 _Chad turned the vehicle off, before opening the backside of the vehicle, opening it and dropping the box out from it, Teddie opens it with a cardboard knife, careful of not stabbing Corrin through the throat._

Teddie: Oh, trust me Corrin, you're gonna love it there, Princess! It's beautiful!

Corrin: What is my groom-to-be like? King Dedede, I mean.

Chad: Well, Corrin… let's just say he really gets a _round_ a lot.

 _Chad laughed, and Teddie joins in, Chad washes his face with a nearby water bottle._

Teddie: yeah! You could say he's a rather _thick-minded_ guy

 _Chad and Teddie laughed together yet again._

Corrin: Okay, that's enough out of you two. You're just jealous because you simply can't measure up to King Dedede.

Chad: Maybe you're right, Corrin. We'll let you do the measuring tomorrow.

Corrin: _looking straight at the sun_ Tomorrow, you say? Wouldn't it be best to camp out for the night? This venture is taking longer than normal, after all.

Chad: No… that'd take longer. I'd say we keep going.

Corrin:There are robbers out in the woods, though. Aren't you concerned in the slightest?

Teddie: Whoa! Time out, Chad! Camping is genuinely starting to sound good.

Chad: C'mon… my singing alone is worse than half of the stuff we'll see here.

Corrin: We need to camp **THIS INSTANT!  
**

 _Both Teddie and Chad's ears lower as they walk away from her.  
_

 **THIRTEEN: Dreamland - YOGURT YARD**

 _Kroeger has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He shoves a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave._

Chad: I found something pretty good over here!

Teddie: Aw, c'mon Chad, I know we can do better than that old messy cave! That just doesn't fit Corrin's style

Corrin: No, it's seems very suitable. Just needs a few finishing touches for it to feel like a home.

Chad: ...finishing touches? Like what?

 _Chad hears a tearing noise._

 _Corrin held a rather large, flimsy piece of bark._

Corrin: A door, for example! Well, gentlemen, I bid you two good night.

 _Chad stared at the huge piece of bark, speechless._

Teddie: you want me to read a bedtime story? Can do!

Chad: I'm sure she's fine, Teddie.

Teddie: are you sure?

Chad: Confident. She seems old enough to not need one, anyways.

Corrin: I SAID GOOD NIGHT!

 _Chad looks at Teddie for a second and then goes to move the boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Corrin still inside._

Teddie: ummm...Chad? What are ya doing? _  
_

Chad: I was just… you know… come on! I was just kidding...

 **LATER THAT NIGHT…**

 _Chad and Teddie are sitting around a campfire. Both of them are staring up into the sky as Chad points out various constellations to Teddie._

Chad: And, uh… that's one's Miles Kennedy of Alter Bridge, first ever band to be associated with a wrestler...

Teddie: Huh, neat….can you tell me my future just by staring stars?

Chad: Stars don't tell the future, Teddie. They tell stories.

 _Chad pointed to another constellation._

Chad: Look! There's Jimi Hendrix, the Guitar Lord… you can guess what he's famous for.

Teddie: you damn well know I do, I know he's famous for, dying from a Barbiturate intoxication in 2016

Chad: No! There he is, and there's his fans going to sign his guitar! Can you guess _now?_

Teddie: that ain't nothin' more than some weird dots

Chad: Sometimes things are more than they appear, Teddie… you know what? Forget it…

 _Thinking on Cynder, Teddie sighs_

Teddie: say Chad….what to do once we get our apartment back?

Chad: ... _our_ apartment? Listen, Teddie; there's no " _we_ ". There's no " _our_ ". It's just me… and my property. If it were up to me, the first thing I'd do would be to have a big wall around it!

 _Teddie gets up, angrily_

Teddie: I think I know what's up, you really hit me hard, You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out

Chad: No, really? Must've taken you such a long time to figure that out!

Teddie: are you hiding something, Kroeger?!

Chad: Nevermind, Teddie… this doesn't involve you.

 _Teddie understands, and is harmed_

Teddie: is this one of your layer things, pal? Maybe a life lesson from your pal Kurt Cobain?

Chad: No, Teddie… this is one of those "forget it ever happened and move on" things.

Teddie: why don't you want to talk about it?

Chad: Why do you _want_ to talk about it? It doesn't concern you.

Teddie: why are ya blocking?

Chad: Teddie, I'm not blocking, damnit!

Teddie: yep, you are blocking alright

Chad: Teddie… _I'm warning you._

Teddie: who ya trying to keep out?

Chad: Everyone! I'm trying to keep out _**EVERYONE!**_ Do you understand?

Teddie: ...I finally got what I needed to hear

 _At this point Corrin pulls the 'door' away from the entrance to the cave and peeks out. Neither of the guys see her._

Chad: Oh, for God's sake…!

 _Chad got up, walked to the edge of the cliff and sat down._

Teddie: What's your problem? What have you got against the whole world anyways!?

Chad: I don't have a problem with the world. The world has a problem with _me_. People look at me and think "oh, it's a shitty singer! Let's trash his property"! They judge me before they even get a chance to know me. That's why I'd better be left off alone.

Teddie: ...You know what? When we met, I didn't think you were just a big, stupid, wasted rockstar.

Chad: ...I know, Teddie. I know.

Teddie: so….are there any bears there?

Chad: Well… there's Winnie the Pooh, notorious for being a honey addict.

Teddie: oh, I see how it goes, is it the big, round, shiny one? He looks like he'd be that fat anyways

 _Corrin shuts the door soon enough._

Chad: ...that's the moon, Teddie. He's the one over _there._

Teddie: oh….okay

 **KING DEDEDE'S ROOM**

 _The camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays in the background. Dedede is in bed, watching as Zordon shows him Corrin  
_

Dedede: Again, show me again. Zordon, c'mon!, show her to me. Show me the princess.

 _Zordon, reluctantly, rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning._

Dedede: now that's the stuff…

 _Dedede looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up to cover himself as though Corrin could see him as he gazes sheepishly at her image in the mirror,_ _ **for a second, Dedede's face becomes Markiplier's and the letter "E" appears below him, once that frame's done, we return to Dedede.**_

 **CUT TO DESKTOP**

 _A cursor grabbed the script to Chad and moved it to a recycle bin._

"Edward! What the _**hell**_ are you doing!?"

 _The cursor put the script down before it could touch the recycle bin._

"Mr. Coke! Oh! I was just, uh…"

 **MORNING** _  
_

 _Corrin had finally stepped out of the cave she was sleeping in, as she peeked out to see that Chad and Teddie were well asleep at this point. She had wandered off into the woods as she began to sing to herself, when she came across a solid baby blue colored bird that joined in._

Bird: Yours to discover…

 _Corrin hummed along, continuing to do so until she began to sing at such a high noise that the bird EXPANDED. Then, POP. It exploded._

 _Corrin went over to its nest, discovering some eggs, which she proceeded to cook._

 _The aroma would awaken her companions._

 _Teddie is sleeping, he moves a lot_

Teddie: zzzz…..giant Yukiko….zzzz….

 _Chad was muttering the lyrics to Figured You Out in his sleep, then, a coconut falls over Chad_

Chad: What? Who threw that?

 _Teddie yawns and gets up_

Teddie: what, the Viet Cong finally came?

Chad: No, I just got headshotted by a coconut.

Teddie: what?

Chad: ...long story.

 _Chad went back to sleep._

Corrin: Morning! How exactly do you like your eggs?

Teddie: oh hello there, Corrin!

Chad: Huh? What's all this about?

Corrin: I felt that we got off to a bit of a rocky start. So I figured I'd make it up to you, since you _did_ rescue me.

Chad: From that dragon? Definitely… thanks for the, uh, generosity.

 _Teddie sniffs the eggs_

Teddie: mmmm! This smells tasty! Do they come with spring onions?

 _Chad blushes slightly, starting to have…_ _ **feelings**_ _for Corrin._

Corrin: Well, eat up! We've got a long day ahead of us.

 _Corrin walks off…. leaving Chad to have some_ _ **privacy**_ _with Teddie._

Chad: ...do you know how to ask someone out by any chances, Teddie? There's this one girl I'm starting to like...

Teddie: you want to have something with Cynder? Be my guest.

Chad: ...no.

 **LATER**

 _The three are once again on their way. They are walking through the woods when Chad starts to break out into the lyrics to Highway to Hell._

Teddie: Chad! You'll scare her!

Chad: What can I say, Teddie? Better to sing the lyrics with your mouth than your brain...

 _Corrin began to sing her own tune…...much to the chagrin of Chad_

Teddie: woah! She's as loud of a singer as you are

Chad: ...well. You're not exactly what I was expecting.

Corrin: Perhaps you shouldn't judge others before you get to know them…...

 _Corrin walks in front of them. She's still singing, too...Unbeknownst to them, they're being watched, someone aims a gun from a bush_

?: is this it, Boss?

? #2: yeah, that's her, the big prize...alright, at my signal….FIRE!

 _A harpoon is fired on Corrin's way, wrapping her entirely, as someone jumps from the bush, a silver-clad mechanical-looking things_

Vezon: Hahah! success!

 _Vezon grabs Corrin and heaves her over his shoulder_

Chad: Corrin!

Corrin: What are you doing?!

Vezon: what, ain't it obvious? I'm your savior! And I'm saving you from this…. _thing_

Chad: That's my woman! Go get your own, asshat!

Vezon: it ain't yours, that's for sure! We was paid by King , of Kremling Island, ta bring her to him so he can marry a woman and become legitimate king of the Kremlings

Corrin: I don't know who you think you are, but you're mistaken if you think this will work!

Chad: Look! King Dedede told me to get her and deliver her to him, so I can have my property back! He's not gonna be happy if he finds out what you're doing!

Vezon: "King Deh-Deh-Deh", ya say?, sorry, he'll get his chance another day, I don't care of some weird property's your prize, you tell Deh-Deh-Deh he can take his property and **stick it high!**

Teddie: Ummm...I don't want to interrupt but...who even are you?

Vezon: oh, yeah, that, AVAK! DROP THE MIXTAPE!

 _out of the bushes, 6 toothy biomechanical entities get up, a brown one holding a massive boombox atop his arms, he presses play, and an awful 2006 rap song that serves as an introduction to Vezon and his band of thugs,_ _ **I can't make this shit up**_

Vezon: and that wraps it, can I leave with this woman n-

 _Corrin breaks free, and reaches into her armor, before PULLING OUT A SWORD, knocking Vezon away from her using its hilt. Vezon is sent staggering back, he loses balance and hits his head on a rock_

Corrin: That…..was annoying…

 _Chad rubbed his eyes in disbelief._

 _One of them looks at Corrin, enraged_

Hakann: **OH, YOU MADE IT, FOOL! GANG WAR!**

 _Avak proceeds to flip the cassette to play some 1990s hip-hop fight music straight out of the Samurai Champloo OST, Hakann lowers his gun at Corrin and fires a blast at her. She rolls out of the way and slashes at Hakann while he's wide open, making sure not to gravely wound him, Teddie hops into Chad's shoulders to dodge that blast, while Chad takes cover. Reidak runs at Corrin, buzzsaw in hand, before receiving an elbow strike on his chest, which turns into a punch to his teeth, knocking him down with a kick._

Thok: at my signal, big boy!

Vezok: you know it, man!

 _Thok and Vezok pounce towards Corrin, the latter drawing his harpoon. Corrin leaps up high into the air, before spin slashing the two with her blade, knocking them both out, with still enough time to wink at the camera._

Avak: oh, that does it!

 _Avak heaves his boombox on his shoulder, and brings out his gun, fashioned after a pneumatic hammer, he runs towards Corrin, chasing her for a while, until Corrin kicks the gun from his reach, Avak shields himself with his boombox. Cue Corrin kicking straight through it, rending Avak unconscious, while she's busy dusting the pieces of metal from her knee, Zaktan pounces towards her with his switchblade ready to stab Corrin and likely steal her wallet. Didn't really expect Corrin to roundhouse kick him, now, did he? Corrin began to walk away._

Teddie: that...was AWESOME! Now tell your King Kayrool, or whatever his name is, to go wait his turn patiently!

Corrin: Shall we?

 _Corrin put her sword away as she began to walk down the road, Vezon and Pals were groaning in pain, slowly regaining conscience._

Chad: ...hold the phone for a second.

 _Chad dropped Teddie and begun to walk after Corrin._

Chad: Where'd that come from?

Corrin: Well…..If one lives alone, they need to prepare themselves in case….there's a harpoon in your butt!

Chad: ...huh?

 _Chad turned and looked to see… a harpoon in his ass._

Chad: ...wouldn't you look at that? There's an arrow up my -

 _Chad screams in pain as he tries to pull the harpoon out. It's tender._

Corrin: I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to get you involved in this!

Teddie: why? What's wrong?

Corrin: Chad's hurt.

Teddie: what!? Chad, hurt!? HURT!? **CHAD'S GONNA DIE!?**

Chad: Teddie… I'm okay! It's not fatal… at least, I hope it isn't.

Teddie: Chad don't pull this bullshit on me, I'm too handsome to die, just keep those legs elevated, turn your head and cough, anyone here knows the Heimlich? DO WE HAVE TO PUT HIM TO SLEEP!?

Corrin: Teddie! Relax! If you want to help, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns!

Teddie: Blue flower, red thorns. Got it, I'm on it. Red flower, blue thorns. Don't die Chad, if you see a long tunnel, do me a solid and stay away from the light!

 _Teddie jets off_

Chad and Corrin: _**TEDDIE!**_

 _Teddie falls off, and gets up_

Teddie: right, right, it's actually blue flower with red thorns

 _Teddie zips off again, Chad looked at Corrin._

Chad: ...what are the flowers for? Aren't there faster and more

efficient ways to get rid of this?

Corrin: I needed a distraction so that he wouldn't have to see this….

Chad: ...huh?

Corrin: Hold still, please. This needs to come out. _Cue Corrin slightly pulling at the harpoon_

Chad: H - hey! Easy with the pulling! I'm gonna pass out if you're not careful!

 _As Corrin keeps going after the harpoon, Chad keeps dodging her hands._

Corrin: Hold still! It needs to come out!

Chad: Corrin! Stop it! _It's tender,_ _ **damnit**_!

 _Chad was still dodging her hands._

Corrin: Now, hold on…..

Chad: What're you trying to do, kill me!? You're doing the _opposite_ of help right now!

Corrin: Don't. Move.

Chad: Look, Corrin… time out!

Corrin: Would you…..WHOA!

 _Corrin would lose her equilibrium and fall right onto Chad. Chad put his hand over her face in an attempt to push her off him._

Corrin: Okay…..What now?

 **ELSEWHERE**

 _Teddie is still looking for the special flower_

Teddie: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns, blue flower, red thorns….oh, this would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns….

Chad: _**Ow!**_

 _Teddie hears Chad's scream of pain from afar_

Teddie: Hold on Chad! I'm comin'!

 _Teddie rips a flower off a nearby bush that just happened to be a blue flower with red thorns_.

 **THE GREEN GREENS PATH**

Chad: _**OW!**_ Not… good!

Corrin: I can almost see the head….Just a little more…..

Chad: Oh! _**OH!**_ It _**still hurts**_!

 _Chad jerks. He manages to fall over with Corrin on top of him._

Chad: Uh… when Teddie comes here, tell him this totally isn't what he probably thinks it is...

Corrin: Gotcha.

 _Teddie shows up with the flower_

Teddie: ….if you two wanted to make out, all you had to do was ask

Chad: Look, Teddie… that was the _last_ thing on my mind! Corrin was just -

 _Corrin pulled the harpoon out._

Chad: _**AUGH!**_

Teddie: Hey, what's that? ...That's...is that blood?...oh god, I'm hematophobic…

 _Teddie faints and falls over. Chad picks him up as they go on their way._

 _ **Cue the love montage.**_ _After that is all said and done..._

 **FANTASY MEADOWS**

Chad: There it is, Corrin… your fate awaits you...

Corrin: That's Dreamland?

Teddie: Yeah, I know. You know, Chad thinks King Dedede's compensating for something with that and his oversized hammer, which I think means he has a really...Ow!

 _Chad was stepping on Teddie's foot._

Chad: Uh… I think we should get a move on… there's no time to, erm, waste…

Corrin: Sure thing…..but aren't you a little worried about Teddie right now?

Chad: ...what? What is there to be worried about?

Corrin: He doesn't look so good…..

Teddie: What'chu talkin' 'bout, Corrin? I'm as fine as a flower.

Corrin: That's what they always say, before they…..well…...keel over and die.

Chad: ...you know what? She's right, you look awful, Teddie… do you wanna maybe sit down?

Corrin: I think I'll go make some tea….

Teddie: I didn't want to say nothin', but I've got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look!

 _Teddie turns his neck in a very sharp way until his head is completely sideways._

Teddie: Ow! See?

Chad: Who's hungry? I'll go get some dinner for all of us...

Corrin: I'll go get the firewood!

Teddie: Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't even feel my toes! Wait a minute...I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug from Mitsuru and feeling her breasts in my face.

 **SUNSET**

 _Chad has made a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while Corrin eats._

Corrin: This is delicious! What is it, Chad?

Chad: Uh… bacon. Sandwich-style.

Corrin: No kidding! Well, this is really good!

Chad: Well… it's good just by itself, too. Don't mean to brag, but I make a great bacon cheeseburger.

 _Chad chuckled. Corrin looked at Dreamland and sighed._

Corrin: Guess I'll be dining differently starting tomorrow…..

Chad: ...maybe you can visit me and my property sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you… BLTs, hot dogs… you name it.

Corrin: _smiling_ I would like that a lot.

 _Chad and Corrin smiled at each other._

Chad: Uh… Corrin?

Corrin: Yes, Chad?

Chad: I was… wondering… are you going to eat that?

Teddie: Man, ain't this romantic? Look at that sunset! Straight outta the set of "Grease".

Corrin: Sunset? Oh, dear….Listen, it's starting to get late, don't you think?

Teddie: wait...wait, I think I know what's going on here, Corrin, are you afraid of the dark? You? THE Corrin? The Corrin that broke Vezon and his ugly friend's spines and left King to die a virgin with rage?

Corrin: That's right…..I…...I need to go inside….I'm sorry!

Teddie: Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until...hey, no! Wait! I haven't finished my story yet!

 _Chad sighs._

Corrin: Good night.

Chad: Good night...

 _Corrin goes inside the windmill and closes the door. Teddie looks at Chad with a new eye._

Teddie: ….oh...OH...OHHH NOW I GET WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!

Chad: Hey! What're you talking about!?

Teddie: Listen Chad, I'm an animal, well, actually I'm a human in a bear costume, but still, an animal nonetheless, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on eachother. I'm really feeling it.

Chad: Teddie, you're crazy… I'm just doing what I was told to do and bring her to King Dedede.

Teddie: Oh, come on, Chad. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel!

Chad: Look, Teddie… there's nothing to tell. Even if I _did_ tell her that, it could never work out. She's a princess and I'm...

Teddie: A rockstar?

Chad: Yeah… a rockstar.

Teddie: Hey, where are ya goin'?

Chad: I'm just… gonna get more firewood, Teddie.

 _Chad sighs and leaves to get more firewood, Teddie looks over at the large pile of firewood there already is.  
_

 **TIME LAPSE**

 _Teddie opens the door to the Windmill in Fantasy Meadows and walks in. Corrin is nowhere to be seen.  
_

Teddie: Princess? Princess Corrin? Princess, wherefore art thou, Corrin?

 _Corrin looks at Teddie from the shadows, but we can't see her._

Teddie: ...Listen, I ain't a genre savvy, but I know when something shocking is about to be revealed, were you killed by 's men?

 _Corrin tries to hide, but she ends up falling off a railing and right in front of Teddie. Parts of her armor had come off, revealing silvery scales, and her skin tone had changed to boot. Her teeth were now sharp, and her eyes had become slit. Wings protruded from her back as they flapped. Teddie lets out an ear-grinding, confused scream of genuine fear, that extends from quite a while._

Corrin: Teddie! Stop yelling! It's me!

Teddie: _NO I WILL NOT STOP YELLING! HELP! HELP!_

Corrin: Shhh! It's okay, Teddie!

Teddie: _CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! CHAD CHAD CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!_

Corrin: I'M CORRIN, TEDDIE!

Teddie: _WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE PRINCESS!?_

Corrin: I _AM_ THE PRINCESS!

Teddie: _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-_

 _Corrin proceeded to cover Teddie's mouth as she tried to calm him down._

Corrin: It's me in this form…..

Teddie: Oh... _ **YOU ATE THE PRINCESS!?**_

 _Teddie headbutts Corrin, before grabbing her by the stomach_

Teddie: _**HANG IN THERE PRINCESS WE'RE GOING TO RESCUE YOU!**_

Corrin: Teddie! No!

Teddie: _**LISTEN, JUST KEEP BREATHING, I'LL GO GET CHAD!**_

Corrin: _ **SHHHHHH!**_

Teddie: _**CHAD! CHAD! CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!**_

Corrin: _**TEDDIE!**_ This is me…

 _Teddie lets go of Corrin, looks into her eyes as she gives him a hug, and he quiets down._

Teddie: Princess? What happened to you? You're….uh…..uh….errrrmmm….different, like a dragon.

Corrin: I'm hideous…..

Teddie: Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? Cuz I told Chad that bacon was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said… Now…

Corrin: No, Teddie….I've been like this ever since I was a child…..

Teddie: What do you mean? The only dragon I've ever seen was the giant one in the keep.

Corrin: It only happens when sun goes down…..."By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."

Teddie: 10 outta 10, that's what I call good poetry

Corrin: It's something I was born with. Even from childbirth, I wasn't any ordinary human, thanks to a spell cast on me…..Every night I become this…...hideous monster….That's why I was placed into that castle to find my true love! I can't allow the king to see me like this! I just…...I just can't! _On the verge of tears, Corrin turns away…..._

Teddie: All right, all right. Calm down. Listen, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly...Well, I ain't gonna lie. You **are** ugly...but you only look like this at night! Look it on the bright side, Chad's ugly 24-7

Corrin: Teddie, I'm a princess! This isn't how one should look…

Teddie: Princess? And what if you don't marry Tubbo?

Corrin: It's a requirement for me to break this curse…..

Teddie: But, you know, um, you're kind of a dragon, dragons are ugly, and Chad… well, you got a lot in common.

Corrin: Chad?

 **OUTSIDE…**

 _Chad walked towards the windmill. He has flowers, a guitar and a bottle of beer in his hands._

Chad: _rehearsing_ Corrin, I… um, how's it goin', first of all? Good, well, it's been, um… good for me too. I'm alright… I just found this flower and I thought of you because… well, it's pretty and I thought you might like it because you're pretty, too… but I like you anyways.

 _Chad sighed._

Chad: ...I'm in trouble… here I go.

 _Chad walked up to the door and paused outside when he heard Teddie and Corrin talking._

Corrin: You have to understand that I can't just marry anyone out of the blue…...Take a look at me. Is there anyone that would be able to love such a…...hideous and terrible person? The words "Princess" and "Hideous" don't go together. That's why I can't be here with Chad.

 _Chad stepped back in shock._

Corrin: Marrying my one true love is the only way I'll be happy…

 _Chad heaved a deep sigh, throwing his gifts to the floor and walking away._

 **INSIDE**

Corrin: It has to be that way, Teddie. The spell has to be broken that way.

Teddie: You at least gotta tell Chad the truth.

Corrin: I can't! I don't know how he'd take it, let alone anyone else…..

Teddie: Listen, what's the point of being able to talk, if you gotta keep secrets?

Corrin: Just promise me you won't tell him…..

Teddie: All right, all right. I won't tell him...but you should.

 _Teddie goes outside_

Teddie: I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy, I heard Akihiko-san gives good therapy..

 _Corrin comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks down and spots the flower, the guitar and the bottle of beer Chad was going to give to her. She picks them all up before going back inside the Fantasy Meadows windmill._

 **MORNING**

 _Teddie is asleep and Chad is nowhere to be seen. Corrin is still awake… she has downed the bottle and is now picking petals from the flower._

Corrin: I tell him…..I tell him not….Tell him…...Tell him not….. **I tell him.**

 _Corrin quickly runs to the door and goes outside._

Corrin: Chad! There's something I need to…..

 _Corrin looks and sees the rising sun. As it creates the sky, she turns back into a human._

 _Just as she looks back at the sun, Chad comes in stomping towards her._

Corrin: Chad…...Is everything okay?

Chad: Oh, everything's _perfect,_ Corrin! I've _**never been better.**_

Corrin: I need to tell you something important.

Chad: You don't need to tell me anything, _**bitch.**_ I heard just enough bullshit last night…

 _Corrin was shocked by what she was hearing_

Corrin: Y-You heard?

Chad: Every last fucking word…

 _Chad's words were dripping with nothing but sheer contempt._

Corrin: Chad….I had hoped you would understand why I said all that….

Chad: Oh, trust me! I understood all your bullshit _perfectly_! After all, quoting you… "who would love such a hideous and terrible person?".

Corrin: I assumed that all that wouldn't matter to you…

 _Corrin looked depressed as she said that._

Chad: Yeah? Well, maybe you should stop making such retarded assumptions… it _does_ matter.

 _The noises of galloping are heard, as a two-legged elephant walks forth, holding King Dedede, clad in muscular steel armor, and followed by his squire Escargoon._

Chad: Oh, bitch! Right on time, Dedede, I brought you a little _something!_

 _Dedede has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very regal sitting up on his steed, and very handsome thanks to that armor enhancing his muscles. You would never guess that he's struggling to breathe due to holding his stomach back. Teddie wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers march by._

Teddie: what did I miss? What did I m-

Escargoon: Who said that!? Couldn't have been the bear

King Dedede: Princess Corrin, at long last

Chad: Here she is… now hand all the shit over!

King Dedede: Very well, ape.

 _King Dedede hands Chad a piece of paper_

King Dedede: here's the property's papers, cleared out, as we agreed, now take it before I change my mind...forgive me Princess….for startling you, but you startled me, I have never seen perfection from this up-close, King Dedede, sovereign of Dreamland

Corrin: King Dedede? Oh, no, no, no…..

 _King Dedede snaps his fingers_

Corrin: Forgive me my lord, as I was simply wishing these two….

.

 _The penguin would set himself down right in front of Corrin. But as soon as he moved a leg, his stomach burst open, destroying the armor's chestplate and revealing a belly caused by years of sitting in a couch and watching Gilligan's Island reruns_

Corrin: ….farewell…..

King Dedede: Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on that ape. It's not like rockstars have feelings.

Corrin: You may have a point….

 _Teddie watches this exchange with a curious look on his face._

King Dedede: (coughs) Princess Corrin, beautiful, fair, flawless as you are. I ask your hand in marriage, would you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?

 _Dedede hides away some of his belly, but it's effortless, behind his teeth, he commands the execution of the blacksmith that made his armor_

Corrin: King Dedede. I accept your proposal. Nothing would make me…

King Dedede: Then it is set, I shall start the preparatives

 _He claps_

King Dedede: **ESCARGOON!**

Escargoon: yes sire?

King Dedede: Prepare my wedding with Corrin for tomorrow, for tomorrow at noon we shall wed...oh and also, make me a favor and command the execution of Heavy Knight

Escargoon: As you order, sire, he should be dead by tomorrow

 _Escargoon leaves_

Corrin: T-Tomorrow? Why not today?!

King Dedede: ...Oh, anxious, are you? You're right! After all, the sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. **ESCARGOON!**

 _Escargoon runs back_

Escargoon: Yes sire?

King Dedede: Round up some guests! And fetch me a bag of them 'tater chips!

Escargoon: As you order sire!

 _Escargoon helps Corrin up Dedede's steed, he gets up, and his armor's back piece shatters, revealing his grotesque back-folds_

Corrin: Goodbye, rockstar...

 _Chad walked away from Corrin and King Dedede as they headed off, satisfied by his seemingly worthy "revenge", Dedede's whole party begins to head back to Dreamland. Teddie watches them go._

Teddie: Chad, what are you doing? You're letting them go!

Chad: Yeah, good for them… bitch is someone else's problem now.

Teddie: Chad, there's something about her you don't know...Look, I talked to her last night, sh

Chad: Oh, I _know_ you talked to the damn whore last night! You and her are great pals, aren't you!? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you fuck off, leave me alone and follow the skank home!?

Teddie: Chad...I wanna go with you

Chad: I told you, didn't I? _**YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITH ME! IT'S JUST ME AND MY APARTMENT! I LIVE ALONE AND NOBODY ELSE LIVES WITH ME, ESPECIALLY NOT PUSSY! WORTHLESS! JACKASS! BEARS!**_

Teddie: But I thought….

Chad: Yeah? Well, you thought wrong, you cunt…

 _Teddie throws a rock to Chad's head, and looks at him as Chad rubs the back of his bleeding head_

Teddie: Then fuck you too, Chad, you treacherous whiny bitch.

 _Chad stomped off, and so did Teddie, we then get a montage of different scenes, Chad arriving back home. Corrin being fitted for the wedding dress. Teddie at a walking back into the castle, and into a far smaller Cynder. Chad cleaning up his house. Corrin eating dinner alone. And Chad eating dinner alone. All of this is done by paper mache puppets with David Liebe Hart._

 **CHAD'S APARTMENT**

 _Chad's eating dinner alone, when his door is busted open, two men in suits come in, and throw Chad out._

Tankman #1: Sorry Mr. Kroeger, but someone bought this property, and its entirety

 _The second Tankman hands Chad some papers, SIGNED by a familiar face, who's now making himself a home_

Chad: Teddie!

 _Teddie simply flips him off, and continues installing things in Chad's property._

Chad: What the hell are you doing here!?

Teddie: I would think, of all people, you recognize a property's paper when you see one.

Chad: Yeah, but… this is _my_ floor. Not yours.

Teddie: not anymore bucko, you're now only legally allowed to stay on the second floor, this is my floor, and above is yours

Chad: Oh… your floor. Hmm.

Teddie: Yeah. **my** floor, I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that statue that looks like your head.

Chad: Teddie, back off!

Teddie: No, YOU back off

Chad: This is my property, Teddie! You're breaking and entering!

Teddie: **OUR** property

 _Teddie grabs a guitar, but the guitar's pulled by Chad_

Chad: Teddie, let go...

Teddie: NO. **YOU let go!**

Chad: Stupid bear!

Teddie: Moronic Rockstar…

Chad: Fine…

 _Chad dropped the guitar and walked away._

Teddie: Apapapap! Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.

Chad: Yeah? Well, I'm through with you.

Teddie: Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Ooh look at me! I have a problem! I hate everyone! I whine! Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! **NOW** it's **MY** turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I've ever done to give you a hand on getting this flimsy 2-floor house! You're always pushing me **around,** or pushing me **away!**.

Chad: If I treated you so bad, why did you come back anyways?

Teddie: Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!

Chad: Really? Well, I forgive you then, Teddie… for stabbing me in the goddamn back!

 _Chad goes upstairs, and slams the door_

Teddie: Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boi!, you're afraid of your own feelings! You're literally Kanji if he didn't have the muscle to punch through a wall

Chad: Go away, Teddie...

Teddie: There you are , doing it again just like you did to Corrin!. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you.

Chad: Love me? Teddie, she said I was a hideous, terrible sort of person...

Teddie: Listen Chad...she wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh...somebody else

 _Chad came back downstairs._

Chad: ...she wasn't talking about _me?_ Then who was she talking about?

Teddie: Can't tell, not that you'd care, I ain't saying anything. You NEVER like to listen to me. Right!? Right!?

Chad: Teddie!

 _Teddie turns back from the closed door_

Teddie: NNNNNNNNNNNNOPE!

Chad: Look… I'm sorry, okay? I guess I am just a stupid rockstar… can you forgive me?

 _The door opens…_

Teddie: that's what friends are for, right Chad?

Chad: Yep… friends, Teddie?

Teddie: Forever, I can finally drop this act, too, I swear, I was turning into a regular Vol. 6 Yang Xiao-Long

Chad: Right… So...about Corrin, what did she say about me?

Teddie: Why do you ask me? Why don't you ask her?

Chad: ...the wedding! We might never make it in time, Teddie… we have to go!

Teddie: well, we wouldn't have time in some circumstances, but not this one!

 _The camera pans to a small purple dragon. Seems Cynder found the two._

Teddie: there she is!

Chad: ...Teddie!? How did you -

Teddie: no, she isn't gonna carry us, at least like this

 _he snaps his fingers and Cynder returns to her full size_

Teddie: Are you ready, Cindy?

Cynder: You bet, Teddie!

Chad: Teddie...how did y-

Teddie: What can I say, my pussy-destroying abilities know no bounds

Chad: Aw, c'mere, you!

 _Chad gave Teddie a noogie._

Teddie: All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. It's not a good idea to kiss a bear. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet.

 _Chad and Teddie got on Cynder. She takes off to Dreamland._

 **DREAMLAND - CHURCH  
**

 _Corrin and Dedede are getting married. The whole town is there. The prompter card Waddle Dee holds up a card that says "NOISEN'T".  
_

Chef Kawasaki: People of Dreamland, we gather here today to bear witness to the union...

 _The Sun starts to set, Corrin takes note of this and looks at Dedede, wearing an XXXXXL tuxedo for the ._

Corrin: Ummmm…..

Chef Kawasaki: ...of our new king...

Corrin: Excuse me, but is it possible to skip straight into the "I do's"?

 _Dedede laughs at the idea, before slapping Kawasaki in the back of the head, and ordering him to do so._

King Dedede: HIYA! You heard the maiden didn't ya? Well do it! Skip to the happily ever after! **THAT'S AN ORDER!**

Chef Kawasaki: Y-yes your highness! I shall comply

 **DREAMLAND - COURTYARD**

 _Some guards are milling around. Suddenly Cynder lands with a boom. The guards all take off running.  
_

Teddie: go ahead Cynder, you said your friend Spyro taught you some moves? Go wild, we'll call you if we have something of importance

Cynder: Alright. I'll be back soon!

 _Cynder shrinks back into her human-size form and charges at full speed towards the guards, it's like one of the Speedways!_

Teddie: Chad!, wait, wait! Wait a minute!...you wanna do this right, don't you?

 _Chad was already standing in front of the Church's door_

Chad: Huh? What do you mean?

Teddie: Let me explain: There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!", you got that?

Chad: I don't have any time for that, alright?

Teddie: Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you?

Chad: Yeah?

Teddie: You wanna hold her?

Chad: Yes!

Teddie: You wanna caress her? Take care of her? Please her until the end of your material life?

Chad: **YES!**

 _Teddie starts singing James Brown style._

Teddie:Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. _  
_

_Teddie stops singing_

Teddie: You get it? The chicks love that romantic crap!

Chad: All right… when does this chef guy say the line?

Teddie: That's the thing! We gotta check it out.

 **INSIDE THE CHURCH**

 _As the chef talks we see Teddie's shadow through one of the windows Chad tosses him up so he can see._

Chef Kawasaki: And so, by the power vested in me…

 **OUTSIDE THE CHURCH**

Chad: What do you see, Teddie?

Teddie: at the risk of sounding corny: **EVERYONE IS HERE!**

 **INSIDE THE CHURCH**

Chef Kawasaki: I now pronounce you husband and wife...

 **OUTSIDE THE CHURCH**

Chad: What now?

Teddie: They're at the altar!

 **INSIDE THE CHURCH**

Chef Kawasaki: King and Queen...

King Bowser: Why did I waste so many years with kidnapping Peach? This was so much easier...

 _By the side of Bowser, another reptile was crying like no tomorrow_

King : **SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY BRIDE! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, DEDEDE!**

 _sniffs on a napkin as Bowser simply sighs_

 **OUTSIDE THE CHURCH**

Teddie: Sweet mother of the Miser Brothers riding a unicycle, he said it!

 _Chad groans_

Chad: And I'm here wasting time…

 _Chad ran inside without catching Teddie. Teddie hit the floor hard._

 **INSIDE THE CHURCH**

 _Chad ran towards the altar._

Chad: Hold it! I _**object**_!

Corrin: Chad?!

 _Everyone gasps at this revelation._

King Dedede: oh what does **he** want now!?

 _Dedede grabs his hammer and looks at Chad._

Chad: Hey, everyone! How's everyone doing? How've you all been here?

Ness: Okey...

Chad: Love Dreamland, first of all… very clean place.

 _Mr. Game and Watch dropped an oil spill while nobody was looking, and Wario farted, by his side, a piece of paper that said "RESERVED FOR WALUIGI". Cloud spoke in his usual Japanese about how much of a mess the place was becoming._

Marth: So much for those english classes, huh Roy?

Roy: Loud and clear, ol' pal.

 _Male!Corrin puffed his cheeks out in frustration over the fact that most people prefer his female counterpart as Ike comforted him. Jigglypuff tried to do the same thing but only inflated itself until it flew around the place like a balloon. Both versions of Robin didn't feel the same way as Male!Corrin did. Garbled 8-bit noises came from Mega Man. PAC-MAN responded with the usual PAC-inese. And Yoshi simply left, before someone found his undone taxes._

Corrin: Chad, what are you doing here?

 _She appeared upset - the exact same feeling that Male!Corrin was feeling._

Chad: Honestly, it's rude enough being alive when no one wanted you…

 _Dr. Mario hung his head in shame, as did Pichu, Isabelle shed a tear of sympathy and said something in her natural language, the Shih Tzu-ese._

Chad: ...but showing up uninvited to a wedding?

 _Mario held his hand up, as does Sonic, who wasn't even considered, everyone darts a glare at Piranha Plant._

Piranha Plant: ...what? I came here for the cake

Chad: Aaaanyways… Corrin, I need to talk to you.

 _F!Robin, who was Corrin's Bridesmaid, waited, she wanted to grab the bouquet, and was met with instant opposition from Camilla, Nowi, Tharja, Lyndis, Ursula, Anna, Cordelia, Rhajat, Celica, and even Meg, hell, Palutena, Zelda, and Bayonetta were also eyeing the bouquet for themselves! did they invite every FE character? Oh wait, Hector's not here_

Corrin: You waited until _now_ to talk to me? I'm afraid you waited too long for that,

Chad. Now, if you'll excuse me…

Chad: But you can't marry him, Corrin.

 _Bowser stood up and cheered. growled at him and Bowser Jr. motioned him to sit down, Incineroar silently rips the sleeves out of his tuxedo, revealing his arms. Lucario looks on in jealousy, as does Charizard, Serperior looks seductively at Greninja, but he's too busy sleeping. Pikachu is busy comforting Pichu, while Link is busy comforting Young Link and Toon Link._

Corrin: And why not?

Chad: King Dedede is just marrying you so he can be the official king of Dreamland.

King Dedede: Unsubstantiated fantasy! I genuinely love Corrin, and you can't prove me wrong.

 _Meta Knight and Kirby simply groaned at King Dedede, used to, but tired of his constant smugness._

Kirby: Poyo?

Meta Knight: No, Kirby… we were invited here and now we're staying whether we like it or not.

Kirby: Po… poyo!

 _Kirby's happy, but not for Dedede, rather, for the wedding cake._

Meta Knight: I know a guy who'll certainly agree…

 _Meta Knight turned to Pirahna Plant and glared._

Chad: King Dedede's not your true love.

 _Ganondorf laughs evilly, as does Mewtwo. Duck Hunt Dog also laughs, but not evilly. A threat by Little Mac and Captain Falcon to KO Punch and Falcon Punch the two of them respectively both shuts them up. Snake, meanwhile, simply eyed Corrin, hoping if he was lucky he could make a move on her._

Corrin: What would _you_ know about true love?

 _Corrin looked more frustrated now. Considering how much of a scene the crowd was making, who could blame her?, meanwhile Robin, who was the bridesmaid simply laughed at the situation's awkwardness, not knowing her male counterpart was hoping to be as acknowledged as her_

Chad: W - well… um…

King Dedede: Oh, ain't this cute! The Princess of Nintendo Land has fallen in love with this...thing! Lord Miyamoto be with us, this is hilarious!

 _The Prompter Card Waddle Dee raises a card that says "LAUGH", everyone complies, even R.O.B, who flickers his eyes spastically. Mr. Game and Watch laughs using his normal beeping, even Megaman laughs, even if it comes out like 8-bit nonsense, from outside the church, the ceiling opens, and Rathalos shows up wearing his best suit, just to laugh. Lucas hides behind his chair due to the sudden appearance as Tiki glares at Rathalos for being late and he sheepishly chuckles, Ridley then cockblocks Rathalos by nuzzling Tiki. Tiki pushes him aside._

Tiki: Sorry, but you're too big for me, jerk...

 _though that raises the question, Rathalos is even bigger, why doesn't she turn him back? Ridley bumps into Zero Suit Samus, he laughs awkwardly, and Samus pushes him aside, by putting her empty Power Suit in her right seat, Ridley groans as if to say "not this again"._

King Dedede: A PRINCESS AND **THIS MONKEY!**

 _Dedede laughs, the Waddle Dee lifts a card that says "LAUGH EVEN HARDER". Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong were offended by this statement and Diddy attempted to rush over to beat Dedede up, but Donkey grabbed him in an attempt to stop him._

Diddy: C'mon, Donkey! Lemme at him!

Donkey: Diddy, calm down, we've been through this a lot of times, after he gets married

Diddy: Fine, but I call first attack!

 _Cranky Kong whacked Donkey with his cane_ _and Funky was snoring loudly._

Cranky: So much for a family reunion…

 _Cranky sighs, while Dixie comforts him, Lanky too reaches for a hug, Tiny is too busy checking her Facebook, and Chunky's been dead for a year or so. A faraway Klaptrap laughs at their plight._

Corrin: Is this true?

 _Robin starts worrying about the time, she is well aware of Corrin's "period", and she doesn't want to partake in it, Lucina groans._

Lucina: get on with it!

 _Turns out she's waiting for this to finish because her dad promised to take her to Disneyland._

King Dedede: WHO CARES!? It's preposterous! Pathetic! Corrin, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss this beak!

 _King Dedede sprays his beak and leans towards Corrin_. _Snake pounds his chair in anger while Grey Fox is laughing in his face, so Snake smacks him, near Snake's seat, some undone tax papers are lying. Yoshi quickly runs to grab them, remembering that he had forgotten to take them with him, Corrin looks at the sun starting to set._

Corrin: "By night one way, by day another." This is what I wanted to talk to you about before…...

 _She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her dragon self. She gives Chad a sheepish smile, the audience gasps, King 's eyes widen, as he looks down. Rathalos' eyes widen and hearts come from them, Ridley starts howling in joy and flirting with Corrin, Tiki simply pouts._

Chad: Wow! That explains a lot… luckily for you, that's one of my fetishes!

King : Klump...ermmm…..cover my royal crotch please

General Klump: Yes, your reptilian majesty!

 _Klump grabs a Klap Trap and puts him in 's crotch, the Klap Trap however, bites the King in his royal parts, he lets out a scream_

Ryu: That sounded like Chun-Li… screaming in agony!

Ken: Heh, you tell me, that sounded more like Vega in one of his fits of anger

Bowser: I'm a married man, I'm a married man, I'm a married man, I'M A MARRIED MAN….

Bowser Jr.: Daddy, what are you doing?

Bowser: Something I like to call, moping

 _Bowser grabs a pillow and screams in anger_

King Dedede: **AAAAAAAAH! DEMON DEMON AAAAAAAAAAH!**

 _King Dedede leaps back and grabs a Waddle Dee that is voluntarily willing to sacrifice himself for the King's life._

King Dedede: Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight! **NOW!**! Get them! Get them both!

 _Bonkers and Buggzy appear, hammer in the earlier's hands, both separate Chad from Corrin. The attendants to the royal wedding, however, have different ideas…_

Donkey: That's one big hammer that ape has!

Diddy: Ya think he's compensating for something?

 _Both Kongs start laughing hysterically, Cranky groans at this low-brow display of toilet humor, but Lanky disagrees, being the childish asshole that he is._

Tiny: meh...I've heard better

 _Tiny resumes her checking of her social networks, Funky wakes up_

Funky: Whoa! What did I miss?

Dixie: Corrin was actually a dragon

Funky: Man, that's bogus!

Super Macho Man: Hey! That's **my** line!

 _Little Mac put one of his fists in front of SMMs face to get him to shut up._

Mario: Of-a all the times I had to-a rescue a princess-a… I never thought-a now would be-a one of those-a moments.

Lucina: Dad, when are we going to Disneyland?

Chrom: After we deal with the guards, sweetie.

Lucina: I love you, dad...

 _Lucina hugs her father, Chad starts to retaliate_

Fox: look at that! The musician's actually fighting back! Takes me back when I was multishining' in those tournaments, the ol' chain grab 0-to-72%! Whatever happened to those days?

Falco: shut up, please

Fox: okay, but I better appear in Part 2

Falco: hey, are our Airwings parked?

Fox: ... **HOLY SHIT THE AIRWINGS!**

 _Both jet off and find Wolf trying to steal them_

Wolf: ...I can explain

 **INSIDE THE CHURCH**

 _Everyone ran to help Chad and Corrin, engaging in a highly violent fight with the Dreamland Guards, some of the guards are somehow doing Yoga poses with the Wii Fit Trainer in an attempt to get their bodies fit, Chad's still fighting the two Head Guards, but they manage to pull Chad away from Corrin._

Chad: Corrin! No!

Corrin: CHAD!

King Dedede: This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me the OFFICIAL King and Ruler of all of Dreamland, not just Self-Proclaimed King! See? See? That's how royalties work!

Corrin: LET GO OF ME! CHAD!

Chad: GET OUT OF MY WAY! CORRIN!

King Dedede: NOW DON'T YOU TWO JUST STAND THERE, MORONS!

 _Bonkers and Buggzy throw Chad away._

King Dedede: I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for the sweet release of death to save you! Dedede shall reign supreme!

Corrin: CHAD!

Meta Knight: ...this is a side of Dedede I've never seen before...

 _Kirby starts chewing on the cake, ignorant of the action_

Piranha Plant: Hey! I came for the cake too, save me some!

 _Kirby simply sticks out his tongue at Piranha Plant_

King Dedede: as for you, Corrin

 _Corrin finds herself with Dedede's hammer at her throat._

Corrin: What?

King Dedede: I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I'm King of All!

 _Chad gets a hand free. He whistles to get all of the attendants to stand still._

Chad: Everyone back off! Someone BIG's coming.

King Dedede: **I WILL HAVE ORDER!** _ **I WILL HAVE PERFECTION!**_ _ **I WILL HOARD ALL THE FOOD FOR MYSELF! I-**_

 _Someone barges through the door, it's Teddie riding on Cynder! Cynder jumps off of Teddie, and torches Dedede's rear_

King Dedede: **IIIIIIIIIIII AM ON FIRE!**

 _King Dedede runs to wet his pants in order to get rid of Cynder's flames, but he runs straight into Rathalos, believing he's the exit, Rathalos closes his mouth._

Teddie (looks at the guards): All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it.

 _Cynder turns to the guards and grows to her full size, Rathalos' eyes turn into hearts and he whistles, from inside him, Dedede's screams are heard_.

Cynder: Beats having Peking Duck for dinner.

Teddie: I'm a bear on the edge!

Ridley: …

 _Ridley's now got two new crushes. Rathalos spits something, and Dedede's sent flying back, in his underwear, everyone laughs at him_

Dedede: S-STOP LAUGHING! **THAT'S AN ORDER!**

 _Duck Hunt Dog points his paws at the Prompter Card Waddle Dee, Zapper in hand, the Waddle Dee, usually blindly loyal, lifts a card that says "LAUGH LIKE NO TOMORROW!"._

Dedede: I'll be back! You'll see! I'LL BE BACK!

 _Dedede hops into his throne, or whatever remains of it, and is carted away by 4 Waddle Dees_

Teddie: Man, celebrity marriages don't last, do they?

 _Mario raises his hand as if to ask a question._

Teddie: Yes, Mr. Nintendo?

Mario: Does-a Peach count?

Luigi: Brother! You're-a yet to ask her hand in marriage! She-a turned you down last time!

Mario: Oh yes, right

 _Wario simply laughs._

Wario: **WA-HA-HA!** Isn't this comedy gold, Waluigi?

 _Waluigi's seat remains empty, he returns from the bathroom_

Waluigi: I'M HERE WHAT DID I MI-I missed the whole thing didn't I?

Wario: Don't worry, brother! Things are about to get **good!**

Teddie: go ahead Chad!

Chad: Uh… Corrin?

Corrin: Yes?

Chad: I… I love you.

 _Roy handed a box of tissues to a nearby Marth, who was bawling his eyes out with tears of joy._

Corrin: Really?

 _Chad and Corrin kiss. Meta Knight takes one of the cards and writes 'Awwww' on the back and then shows it to the congregation, everyone complies_

Kirby: Poyo!

 _In Poyoese, he compliments Meta Knight's good handwriting._

 _Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Corrin away. She's lifted up into the air and she hovers there while the magic wraps her._

" _Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form. Take love's true form. Take love's true form."_

Waluigi: I-I can't believe this! I missed most of the filler, but I was there for the best part!

Wario: You and me both, brother! Wanna go make some games now?

Waluigi: I have a good one, Mario, but he's...get this...a caveman!

 _A voice echoed from far, far away_

Joel: _**GRAND DAD!?**_

Waluigi: perfect title!

 _Meanwhile, Richter was signing a contract with two Tankmen_

Simon: Richter, what're you doing? You're missing out on Huntsman Classes!

Richter: oh nothing, filling my contract for the Third Part, I am to be mentored by someone called Xavier

 _Suddenly, Corrin's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell and is then lowered to the ground, while retaining her human appearance, she now had her dragon wings and tail protruding proudly, Tiki pouted even harder._

Tiki: Why can't I be like that!?

Chad: Corrin? Are you alright?

Corrin: Yes. Though I don't quite understand…...Wasn't I supposed to become beautiful?

Chad: But Corrin… you _**are**_ beautiful.

 _They both smiled at each other. Robin cheered for Corrin in the background, broke in tears of joy, as Klump wiped his tears, Wolf and Yoshi were being arrested for theft and tax fraud respectively, PAC-MAN kicks away a bucket labeled "CRACK" to avoid getting in any trouble._ _ **EVERYONE IS CHEERING!**_

Teddie: Man, I was hoping for a happy ending

 _Chad and Corrin kiss one final time, and the kiss fades into...their wedding kiss. Chad and Corrin are now married. Born to Run plays on a stage, where Bruce Springsteen, Ibuki Mioda and Barbara the Bat are now performing, with Eric Clapton handling the guitars. Fireworks, manned by Jeff, as well as Sly Cooper, fire off into the sky. Chad and Corrin break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting car. Which is Chad's old, beaten-up car, now fixed._

 _Corrin tosses her bouquet which both Palutena and Bayonetta try to catch. But they end up getting into a catfight and so Cynder catches the bouquet instead. Meat Boy is seen putting both Bonkers and Buggzy in a mantrap, and puts a sign that says "THROW FRUIT INTO THESE TWO DICKBAGS!". PAC-MAN obliges and Inkling sprays the both of them with lots of ink, meanwhile Diddy is shooting him with his peanut gun. Chad and Corrin walk off as the rest of the guests party and Teddie takes over singing the song, the camera pans to a familiar, cerulean-clad cavalier._

Shovel Knight: It's over, my friend, you can leave your hideout and show your face to the public!

 _Shovel Knight raises his shovel in pride, alongside Reimu, who raises her gohei, and Papyrus, who raises his other arm, all happy for equal liberty for all characters, Snoopy bites Papyrus' arm off and runs off, he lets out a disgruntled "NYEH!" A familiar someone reveals himself._

Joker: ...you'll never see it coming.

Meat Boy: God Bless us all, everyone!

 _Teddie finishes singing._

Teddie: Aah-haa-haah…! Oh that's hot!...That's hot!... Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

 _Teddie falls into Cynder's arms, she blushes._

 **EPILOGUE**

Chad: Hi everybody and welcome to the Chad Karaoke Dance Party. I'm gonna take things down a little bit with one of my personal favorites.

 _Chad pulled out a guitar and started playing the beginning riff to Animals._

Chad: No! We're never gonna quit! Ain't nothing wrong with it!

Corrin: Acting like we're animals!

Teddie: Yeah!

 _Teddie plays a verse of Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen_

Teddie: So you think you can stone me and spit in my eeeeye! so you think you can love me and leave me to dieeee!

Cynder: Oh baby! Can't do this to me baby!

Teddie and Cynder: Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out my-

 _Waddle Doo grabs the microphone and sheds some tears to the tune of Feelings, by Morris Albert_

Waddle Doo: Feelings…

 _Vezon raises his boombox in the shoulder, while Hakann, Zaktan, Vezok and Thok do JoJo Poses behind him, the song playing? Y.M.C.A by the Village People_

Vezon: It's fun to stay at the...

Hakann Zaktan, Vezok and Thok: Y.M.C.A!

Vezon: it's fun to stay at the…

Hakann, Zaktan, Vezok, and Thok: Y.M.C.A!

 _All 5 strike the Jonathan pose and Vezon laughs, we cut to Meat Boy singing while Kokichi mans the turntables to Thriller, by Michael Jackson_

Meat Boy: 'cuz this is Thriller! Thriller night!

 _He's joined by Piranha Plant_

Piranha Plant: You're fightin' for your life inside a killer thriller tonight!

 _We switch to what looks like Jail, and Dedede off-key butchering Impossible, by James Arthur, it becomes unbearable to his cellmates Wolf and Yoshi_

Dedede: TELL THEM ALL I KNOW. NOW! SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS! RIDING ON THE SKYYYLINE! ALL WE HAD IS GONE N-

Wolf: **SHUT UP!**

 _Wolf stuffs Dedede's mouth with a sock, meanwhile, Shovel Knight, Reimu, Papyrus, and Joker are playing Whip It!, by Devo_

Joker: crack that whip!

Shovel Knight, Papyrus, and Reimu: give the past the slip!

Joker: step on a crack!

Shovel Knight, Papyrus, and Reimu: break ya momma's back!

Teddie: I say get up, and dance to the music!

 _Montage of everyone, Nintendo or not, having a good time to Dance to the Music, by Sly & the Family Stone_

Chorus: Dance to the music! Dance to the music!

Kokichi: All we need is a drummer!

Zordon: For people who don't need rhythm, yeah!

Teddie: Your solo, Dragon Girl!

 _Corrin made a killer drum solo_

Teddie: Waddle Doo, m'man!

Waddle Doo: I'm gonna add some bottom

Meat Boy: so that the dancers, just won't hide!

Teddie, Robin, and Zelda: You may want to hear my organ!

 _Meanwhile, in the mantrap, Bonkers and Buggzy describe their current situation with an AC/DC song_

Bonkers and Buggzy: I'm on a Hiiighway to HELL!

 _They get hit by an Ink Grenade, which explodes in their faces, we return to Chad and Corrin who break into a duet of The Greatest Show, the Panic! At the Disco version_

Chad and Corrin: Cause everythin' you want is right in front of you, and you see the impossible is comin' true! and the walls can't stop us now, yeah

 _The camera pans off, as everyone parties, we see two silhouettes looking above, from Heaven_

Mr. Rogers: And so, ends the dramatic Shrek re-telling with Chad Kroeger.

Bob Ross: That was amazing, I can't wait for a Part 2

 _Someone peeks behind them_

Fox: you bet!

 _Fox puts on a familiar hat, and looks at the camera, as a piece of Livin' La Vida Loca, by Ricky Martin, plays in the background_

Fox: Viva la vida loca!

Mr. Rogers: Say Bob, wanna go watch movies with Stefan?

Bob: you bet, my friend

 _Both leave, as the camera pans out, and the words_ _ **THE END**_ _appear._


End file.
